The wise know when to speak and when to hold their peace. Do we know when we must remain silent and when we should use words?
Too many times we speak out when keeping quiet would have kept the peace. And, too many times we keep quiet when we ought to have spoken up. There’s no point regretting what was said, or left unsaid. But a mess could be avoided if only we knew when to speak up, and when to hold our tongues!
Words matter. They have a lasting impact. There’s a well-known saying, ‘Be sure to taste your words before you spit them out.’ Our words can make or break relationships. Similarly, our silences also matter. It is better to remain silent at the risk of being thought a fool than to say something that creates unnecessary discord.
In their seminal article, ‘Words That Harm, Words That Heal’, Bedell et al declare, ‘Being ill inherently humbles and corrodes the sense of self, making patients vulnerable to the words of their physicians…’ Fancy medical jargon may be everyday terminology to the medical professional but to patients, it becomes a tattoo of fear.
Wisdom appears out of experience. And experience arises out of mistakes. Unless we’ve faulted and faltered, we will not know when to say something, and when not to. Keeping quiet when we must speak up often creates conflict within us. Speaking up when we should remain silent also creates discord in and around us.
Four young monks decided to meditate in silence for a few days. By late evening on the very first day, a wind arose, the candle began to flicker and went out. The first monk wailed, ‘Oh, no! Our candle has gone out!’ The second monk immediately retorted, ‘Shhh! Didn’t we decide not to speak?’ The third monk groaned, ‘Uff! Why must you two break the silence?” The fourth monk smirked and quipped, ‘Ha! I’m the only one who didn’t speak a word!’ Each monk broke his silence for a different reason. The first monk became distracted by the material world (the candle) and lost his awareness. The second monk was more worried about rules than the meditation itself. The third monk allowed his anger at the two to control him. And, the fourth monk was entangled in his ego.
Mauna refers to the practice of keeping quiet, and someone who regularly observes silence is called a Muni, a greatly respected person. There are ‘Silence Retreats’ where one observes Mauna. While keeping silent is an important part of the Mauna Vrat, it is much more than that. Refraining from speaking, one realises that one is still communicating through other means- facial expressions, hand gestures, eye contact, and odd noises and grunts!
As one goes deeper into silence, non-verbal communication also drops, and one hears one’s own mind chattering away. Sitting still and watching one’s mind without interfering with it is an important practice in meditation. Gradually, the mind’s activities cease, and one realises the real power of Mauna. Immense amount of energy is spent in thinking thoughts. When the mind is stilled, one becomes highly energised.
We need to keep just one thing in mind when we speak. Will our words heal or harm? Are we speaking to hurt or to help? Both our words and our silences need to have a positive effect on others.
Our words must deepen the peace and bring tranquillity. Our silences should be pregnant with wisdom left unspoken.
The real purpose of our words is to reach silence.
Deepam Chatterjee is the author of The Millennial Yogi. He can be contacted on deepamchatterjee@yahoo.co.in