I am writing this open letter because the media is only reporting from the human perspective. I congratulate the great Indian nation for the successful landing of Chandrayan 3. I have a soft corner for Indians. And why not- since times immemorial I have been referred to as chandamama by them.
In fact, my favourite day of the year is when the Karva Chauth festival is held- because all eyes are on me. I long for my golden era, the pre-industrial world. When there was no electricity, I guided travellers during the nights though thieves also took advantage of my soft light. I was the chosen metaphor for the charm and radiance of a beautiful woman. Alas, after Galileo invented the telescope, it became obvious that I was actually pock-marked with craters.
I do respect the scientists but find them to be very dry- they are obsessed with data and findings. My mystique has been created and nurtured by poets, lyricists and shayars. A scientist could never write- Khoya khoya chand khula aasman, aankhon mein saari raat jayegi. Bollywood has never had enough of chand, chanda and chandni. But I have no hesitation in stating that in tune with the times, I have also become materialistic. I am planning to ask for royalty from all those who have used my name. Those who refuse will face legal action. I have also been unjustifiably associated with dubious activities named moonlighting and moonshining- I have no direct involvement in them or any financial stake. Presently, I am lapping up the media attention resulting from Chandrayan 3 mission. But the pics shown are too close for my comfort- no one is using filters for me. Even the belief about me being cool as a cucumber has been shattered since a temperature of 60 degrees Celsius has been recorded on my south pole. You guys can learn many lessons from me especially about loving one’s mother. I have a crush on the pole star and feel like meeting it. There is also an earnest wish to have an adventure trip into the cosmos. But I would never leave the orbit of mother earth because otherwise she would go into depression. So, I am in the league of Shravan Kumar. I often count my blessings. There are so many nameless moons revolving around lifeless planets. I am sure they must be pretty envious of me. I welcome humans and their spacecraft to visit me but I am dreading the day humans will settle on my surface.
Look at the mayhem they have caused on mother earth. My biggest fear is that of the land sharks. They will carve plots out of me and sell them to the highest bidder. So, I am not going to reveal whether water is stored in me. I know author Jas Kohli is trying to capitalize on my supereminence in the present times- but I am thankful to him for giving me a chance to convey my views. My message to all humans- admire me but only from a distance!
Jas Kohli is a noted humour writer. He is the author of three bestselling humour novels, ‘Lights! Wedding! Ludhiana!’, ‘Lights! Scalpel! Romance!’, and ‘Anything to Look Hot’
