A few days ago, I bumped into a ‘fitness freak’ couple staying in my neighborhood, while they were returning from their evening walk. I can’t help feeling jealous of those who do brisk walking in the nearby park because I do that only in my dreams. Though I was aware their house was being remodelled, I couldn’t help asking them, ‘How is life?’ The man replied, ‘I rue the day I decided to take charge of construction of my home. I am coming tomorrow to your clinic to get my blood pressure checked!’ The couple moved on.
Non-builders take up construction of their personal houses under the assumption that logic, tact, intelligence and internet search will make them experts in a short period of time. But they come to their senses after a few months because the path is so slippery that one is bound to slip repeatedly. I shifted into memory lane. For the construction of our home, our family had tried to rope in a celebrity architect. But after chasing him in vain for a full month by all means possible including visits and phone calls, we decided to hire one of his assistants, presuming that he would have imbibed most of the skills of his boss. But the trait of unavailability had also trickled down in him. We were dealt with as if we were availing his services for free. I also became the unofficial secretary of the various contractors. That was the only way to make them coordinate their work. Every morning, umpteen phone calls had to be made. Needless to say- all of them loved the game of hide and seek. One of them went to his village and never turned back. I also came to be known as an anti-social person– and lost count of the social events missed. Only the dream of living in a dream house sustained me- though I was well aware that the best home is the one having cordiality amongst those living in it.
The purchasing of the building material used to make me cranky as I came to know that that there were multiple grades of quality available for every material. I became so paranoid about being taken for a ride that I stopped trusting even genuine people. Everyone tried to act as if we were having a tree on which money was growing. Whenever I tried to put forward any proposal to save money, the standard argument would be- you don’t build your house again and again. There were some sincere construction workers but there was no dearth of shirkers. Some carpenters and painters were working at such a pace that it seemed they were planning to spend a lifetime in our house. Our family members had lot of ‘tu tu main main’ over the choice of interiors. However, the interiors became outdated by the time the construction finished.
Those amateurs who undertake construction will receive a free gift- high quality tension!
Jas Kohli is a noted humour writer. He is the author of three bestselling humour novels, ‘Lights! Wedding! Ludhiana!’, ‘Lights! Scalpel! Romance!’, and ‘Anything to Look Hot’.
