The recent public apology of soccer star Neymar to his girlfriend Biancardi, for cheating while she is pregnant with his child, leaves us wondering what if the tables were turned around and Biancardi had cheated with Neymar’s son in her womb, would he accept the apology?
Also since time immemorial married women have learnt to be silent with betrayal? Often the silence is quietened further with a material gift, from the philandering husband. The wife is made to feel like the main one among the others, as she has been chosen to bear his child and that’s the best validation ever.
Undoubtedly there is something magical about holding a baby to your breasts that discourages discord and encourages women to adjust even if they are mighty pissed. The parenting role is still heavily titled to the mother. Therefore, in infidelity issues the adjustment of the grief, anxiety and depression that comes with betrayal is difficult to overcome, yet women acknowledge that most times they are the sole creatures who are expected to hold the family together and must remain thoughtful about not depriving the child of his or her father ever.
This incident also brings to light issues of gender disparity on sexuality and right versus wrong that varies widely between a man and a woman across the world.
With motherhood, the natural outcome of this big decision is the unspoken vulnerability that comes along with the arrival of a child. There is also a decline in sexual drive, the change in the woman’s body, the sleep clock going for a toss and added to that a husband who is often grappling with the new identity of becoming a father, a provider and with an intact libido that doesn’t quite match up with his wife. So men in some cases need to get it off and reason with themselves that “she was not available for me”. Totally ignoring the behemoth change in the woman’s hormones and how sleep deprived the wife is. So all these issues are discouraging many young women to not choose pregnancy in their lives.
This also brings to the crux of what could be the decision of the couple, if a partner gets caught with infidelity and the betrayal in this life altering experience of a couple, who are to start a family and bring a child into it. Survey does reveals that many men cheat on their wives while she is pregnant with their child. They don’t know how to navigate the new reality of losing position in the relationship.
Neymar J is a celebrity and fans and the public at large are willing to overlook the personal or the character issues as long as he can perform his act. The celebrity gossip site, Em Off, reported that the couple now has come to an agreement stating three rules that allow the soccer star to be in an open relationship as long as he exercises discretion. The agreement, reportedly, forbids Neymar from visiting escorts, paying for sex and unprotected sex with anyone else. So with these rules Biancardi is willing to get into an open relationship with her lover and be the mother of his child.
This decision appears to be totally transactional, overlooking the love attached to parenting between couples. It is about the best genetic pool that gets together to produce progeny.
This maybe will help many women understand the math of the situation and not get overwhelmed with the emotional attachment associated with infidelity during pregnancy.
Marriage and parenting till now is based on the child a woman bears and men who are willing to share their wealth or earnings with only their offspring. So how would the man navigate the open relationship idea if the wife is to act on the same rules? Or it’s taken for granted, she won’t ever feel sexy during pregnancy or after.
Surprisingly according to a survey titled “Why do women commit adultery” by Gleeden which is the first extramarital dating website in India, found that 55% of married Indians have been unfaithful to their partner at least once and out of them 56% were women. But most of these women are many years into their marriages and definitely not pregnant women who feel neglected by their husbands and go ahead and register in the app for a fling on the side.
Biancardi is an extremely beautiful and successful fashion model with millions of followers and one wonders why would she give Neymar the green flag to sleep around. Maybe it is the societal prestige of becoming Neymar’s child’s mother that remains her personal achievement in life like many women across the world, whose womb is not hers but the man who chooses to make her the mother of his child.
Mohua Chinappa is an author, runs a podcast The Mohua Show and is the Founder of an initiative for homemakers called Nari The Homemakers Community