It may surprise many, who casually chat about others over a cup of coffee, that gossip can be punishable by law. In the majority of countries, people are free to express their opinions, and that is not illegal. If, however, the facts and figures spoken of in gossip are untrue, it falls into the realm of slander. Slander is regarded as defamation of character and legal action can be taken against the slanderer.
However, whether legal or not, the harm caused by gossip can be extensive and result in tragic consequences. Having conversations about situations or people that are making life difficult or dangerous for others, with the intention of trying to help, is not gossip. These kinds of conversations have the potential to motivate real change and safeguard health, or life, in certain situations. Gossip, on the other hand, does not have the intention to help. It has the intention to hurt. There are eight reasons why people gossip.
Eight reasons why people gossip
1. Because of a wish to alleviate anxiety and physical tension – projecting out instead of dealing with what is going on inside.
2. Because of a lack of emotional education – lack of maturity. The person is unable to deal with their own problems and emotions.
3. Because of traumas or rejection, usually suffered in childhood. The person is jealous of others who had a good childhood, and covers their own traumas by hurting others.
4. Because of a lack of self-esteem. Those with high self-esteem tend to not comment about others.
5. Because of competition. The person needs to undermine others. They spread stories about others, some of which might be truth or half-truth or just rumour.
6. Because of an aspect of human nature to create sub-groups; to act against harmony and cohesion.
7. Because gossip is a good way to manipulate others. The gossiper is seen as the one with all the information. They are often sweet, polite, and friendly, as if they are divulging news for the benefit for everyone.
8. Because of a need to informally communicate information, for example, in the workplace. This is often referred to as the ‘water cooler effect’. When the leader of a business organisation does not provide clear, transparent information, the gossip in communal areas fills in the rest. Research shows that in those kinds of companies, only 20 per cent of information is divulged officially. Eighty per cent of unofficial information is derived from gossip.
Spiritually speaking, it is clear that partaking in any of the above is not at all good for the soul. There are ways to avoid being drawn into a circle of gossip. We can simply say we are not interested and stop the conversation. Or we can move away; literally walk away. We can change the conversation by changing the topic. We can alter the tone of the conversation by finding a good quality about the person being discussed. If we have become the subject of gossip for some reason, we can try to find the seed from which that has sprung up and approach the person with a sincere wish to find the cause and put it right. If we have a position of leadership and wish to avoid gossip, then we must be clear and transparent in our dealings with others.
Ultimately, to be spiritually intelligent, we must keep our minds clean and clear of this kind of damaging talk. It damages the one spoken of, but most importantly it damages us and makes spiritual progress extremely difficult. Each one is doing the best they can with the understanding they have available. Let me be the one to uplift, to encourage, to build up and not tear down. Any endeavour we make to bring out the best in others will be returned to us a thousand-fold.
Luciana Ferraz is a sociologist and the national coordinator of the Brahma Kumaris in Brazil.