It’s a well-known fact that we all want control- on our own lives, on our beliefs and thoughts, on our possessions, on people, and even on choices and opinions of others. Nearly, if not all the wars, have been about, ‘Who’s in charge? Who controls and decides things here?’ When you control the mind of people, you can control everything.
In The Symposium, Plato wrote that as per Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves and when one of them meets the other half… the pair are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy and one will not be out of the other’s sight… even for a moment. There’s a beautiful and completely opposite theme from the Puranas. Once, a Sage called Bhringi became obsessed with circumambulating only his Lord Shiva. But he was at his wit’s end, since Devi Parvati was constantly by Shiva’s side. Bhringi wanted to have nothing to do with her and eventually decided to take the form of a bee and fly around his Lord’s head. At that very moment, Parvati merged with Shiva and the divine couple became Ardhanarishwar making Bhringi realise that Shiva and Parvati are one and the same and do not exist as separate from each other.
Soulmates and Jigsaw puzzles are a metaphor for our lives- like the challenges we face in jobs, relationships and health that often leave us confused and overwhelmed. We all are like Karmic jigsaw puzzle pieces that seek out pieces that fit into our specific designs. Thus, we will find a similar, repetitive pattern of interpersonal conflicts within different relationships. Someone who escapes one abusive relationship often enters another one. As in the jigsaw game, in real life too, we try to force ourselves into wrong shaped pieces, ie, into wrong spaces, jobs, relationships and vocations. They often seem like the right choices at the moment, but they cause us distress and pain in the long run. In unhealthy interpersonal relationships, there is often a subtle battle for control. Being in charge gives some people a constant high. They will do a lot of things to gain an upper hand. Here are some of the more recognisable behaviour patterns that most of us would have encountered at one time or another. You too, might be one of them!
Interrogating: “Are you free today? Great! Can you do this for me, since you are not doing anything?” (They trap you to make you do what they want.)
Intimidating: “Behave yourself! Who do you think you are? Do you know who you are talking to? You’ll listen to me, or else, face the consequences!” (They scare you to make you do what they want.)
Manipulating: “If you do this for me, we will go out for a movie,” or, “If you do not do this, then I am leaving you.” (They use your weakness to give or deny you a reward that they control, to make you do what they want.)
Acting The Victim: “Why is this happening to me? Why is everyone after me? I don’t know what to do! I am completely helpless. Can you please do this for me?” (They play on making you feel important and protective to make you do what they want.)
Most of us are unconsciously playing out one or more of these behaviour patterns. We don’t even realise when we have slipped into one or more of these to get our way. When we start becoming aware of our weaknesses, we begin to realise how much it costs us to continue fuelling these behaviour patterns. Often, we get dragged into other peoples’ behaviour patterns and unconsciously begin to play out our own. They too, similarly get sucked into our dramas. Also, because our primary patterns are unique to us, people who run counter behaviour patterns show up in our lives constantly. This is the Karmic jigsaw in action.
Once we become aware of our own uniqueness, we start becoming free of these automaticities, becoming free of our Karmic designs. The ways in which we relate to others, and how people habitually deal with us begins to change radically. It is only then, that we are able to drop our personal drama, and stop getting sucked into another’s.
Deepam Chatterjee is the author of The Millennial Yogi. He can be contacted on deepamchatterjee@yahoo.co.in