“A man is known by the company he keeps”, goes an age-old proverb. It means that a person’s character is revealed by the kind of people he chooses to associate with. People usually associate with those they feel comfortable with and who are like them. In other words, if you want to know what a person is really like, you only have to check the kind of friends they have.
There is another proverb that expresses more or less the same idea in a different way: “Birds of a feather flock together”. It means that people who have similar interests, ideas, or characteristics tend to seek out or associate with one another.
It is this coalescence of like-minded people, or people with shared interests, that leads to the formation of social groups, political parties, and even criminal gangs.
If we hang out with a certain kind of people for long, we tend to acquire some of their way of thinking and habits. This is why we are advised from a young age to avoid bad company.
Staying away from unsavoury characters does protect us from their harmful influence, but it does not guarantee our well-being. There is another kind of company we keep, even when we are alone: of books, television, the computer, the mobile phone, other objects, and our thoughts. This company may have a stronger impact on us than other people, because we pick up ideas and form life-changing beliefs voluntarily — without any peer pressure — from what we watch, read, listen to, spend time with, and think about.
So, we need to be equally careful about the company our mind keeps. What is the input going into the mind through the eyes and ears? If someone spends a lot of time watching and reading about a conflict and they are not careful, they may start identifying with one or the other party to it. Then the conflict that is taking place in another part of the world moves into the theatre of their mind, triggering feelings of anger, indignation, hatred, and perhaps helplessness. Their peace of mind, mental clarity, power of accurate judgment – all are eroded by their emotional involvement with an issue that has nothing to do with them personally.
Similarly, those who spend hours playing video games have been found to suffer from personality traits such as low self-esteem, attention problems, impulsivity, aggression, anxiety, and depression.
One does not need video games to go into depression. Repeatedly having negative thoughts is enough to reach that state, just as nursing a resentment or hatred can make us hateful and aggressive. Even objects can alter our way of thinking. Someone who has spent hours every day on a computer since childhood may develop nerdy traits, while another person who has handled guns from a young age would not think too much before using one.
If the wrong kind of company can cause harm, then the opposite is also true. Reading and watching content that educates, inspires, relaxes, or lightens our mood has a positive effect on our physical and mental health.
Positive and powerful thoughts are the best company we can choose when we are alone. They make us strong, happy, and stable. Consciously and purposefully creating such thoughts, and dwelling on them with a focused mind to create an uplifting and empowering experience, is what is called meditation. It is the best practice for self-empowerment, which can turn a despondent individual into a confident and valuable member of society.
It is up to us who and what we spend our time with. If we choose our company wisely, it will stand us in good stead.
B.K. Surya is a Rajyoga teacher at the Brahma Kumaris headquarters in Mount Abu, Rajasthan.