A lot of unhappiness is experienced in life, and often on a spiritual journey, because of the lack of self-esteem and self-respect. Many people think that these are one and the same, but they are distinctly different, and both are required for a happy and stable life.
There is always someone to look up to in life. Many of us put other people on pedestals, like teachers and parents, or famous artists, and use them as reference points on how to be. On the spiritual path, the same thing can happen. Then, what if the ‘idol’ has feet of clay? There can be disappointment, disheartenment, and sometimes on the spiritual path, faith can be shaken very badly.
We need to understand that the spiritual journey is to let go of ego and return to our own self-respect. To experience being our own master, the master of the mind and have ruling power over old habit patterns and ways of thinking. We need not put power in the hands of others by being influenced this way and that way by what others say and think. We can still remain open, and listen with humility to others, but have so much belief in what we are doing, that we are doing what is the best for our own development, that we maintain total stability.
Self-respect is connected to what we really are, the soul. Each soul is perfect and on its own journey and has its own story. However, self-respect is not about the story, it is about before the story. It is about understanding the full potential of the eternal being within. Unless a person makes the journey towards the real self in this way, self-respect and self-esteem cannot develop.
In the consciousness of the eternal beautiful being, there comes a deep acceptance and value of the self, and the more we love ourselves, the more we are able to love others. Self-respect is about you with yourself and with God. Self-esteem is about the way you behave with others.
Self-esteem springs from the understanding that everything is beneficial, not by chance and not without cause. In self-esteem I am able to take 100 per cent responsibility for how I behave and respond to people and situations.
For this awareness to develop, we need introversion, to go inside and see what we really are, then introspection to reflect deeply on what we find in silence. The highest task of life is to develop the self, the real self, and make that inner world manifest through our behaviour.
Luciana Ferraz is a sociologist and the national coordinator of the Brahma Kumaris in Brazil.
