When relationships begin to weaken, we need to understand why. To evaluate the strength of a relationship, the simplest way is to become aware of the thoughts and thinking patterns that we habitually have with regard to another. Relationships are built by our every thought for the other person, not by words and behaviour. Thinking right about people is even more important than speaking or behaving right. Despite the fact that we make efforts to be nice, we may often be unaware that we are holding thoughts of pain or anger. We may internally be passing judgement or blaming those we perceive as having caused our unhappiness, ‘made’ us feel angry, hurt, or afraid. This is where meditation helps us to transform the thoughts in our mind, and to create strong relationships on the basis of pure and respectful thoughts for others. When our interactions are based on thoughts of love and care, then our powers of tolerance, adjustment, and compassion increase. Meditation helps us to learn how to focus on people’s goodness and have good wishes for them. My every thought becomes a blessing for others. Then we do not need to worry about how our words or behaviour will affect others – they will automatically be benevolent.
When we think or speak about the habits and behaviour of other people, which we believe are not right, we absorb their negativity. Gossip and negative conversations are the quickest ways to lower our moral credibility, deplete our energy, and pollute the atmosphere. By not thinking and speaking about the behaviour and shortcomings of others, we protect our energy field and feel good within. In fact, our positive thoughts and words about others actually increase our own energy and also the energy of everyone around us. It is good to sit quietly and determine to think and speak well of others. We can do this by looking for and sharing with others their many positive characteristics. I can decide to refuse to gossip, judge others, or indulge in petty small talk. I can focus only on the goodness in people and think and speak only about the positives.
Situations and people come from outside, so what comes from them may not be in our control. However, our response and reaction, what goes out from us – our thoughts, words and behaviour – is always our choice. I must become aware that my response is my own internal creation. I can consciously choose to respond with peace, calmness, and happiness today. We can be the ones who change and return positive energy.
“A smile is a curve that sets everything straight!”
Chirya Risely is a Rajyoga meditation teacher, based at the Brahma Kumaris Peace Village Retreat Center, USA.