Can money buy happiness?” This philosophical question has been around for ages. Money can buy material pleasures, but there is a huge difference between pleasure and happiness. Happiness is the inner joy that stays with you for life. It gives you a sense of satisfaction that is much more valuable than a sense of attainment. Now, how does this relate to new-age parenting?
Both parents are working these days for an average of 8–10 hours daily to sustain a lifestyle that has become a benchmark for the common middle class. These parents succeed in providing the best resources for their children, which is much appreciated as all parents want to provide the best for their children. Guilty parenting is when parents start feeling sorry for not spending enough quality time with their children and try to compensate that happiness for the child with the happiness that money can buy. For every situation in which the parent feels at fault and the child faces dissatisfaction, there is a bribe in the form of gifts, holidays, gadgets, etc.
Common statements from parents are, “Sorry, sweetheart, I am unable to come for the PTM, but I will take you out for pizza tonight.” A parent forgets that you told the child that pizza is junk food and that you should not be having it. Now, the child is confused. The child will interpret it as meaning that if my parents miss anything important for me or if they make a mistake, then they themselves modify the rules. So, it is okay for me to do the same. Hence, the child learns that if there is a situation in life where she or he has made a mistake or hurt someone’s feelings, they can make it up by spending money or by bending their own rules.
More examples
“Sorry baby, Momma/Papa has to travel from work and will not be there for three days, but this time we will celebrate your birthday with the unicorn theme just like you wanted.” “I know you are upset that I got here late, but see what I have brought for you.” Then comes an expensive gift. The child forgets all about the parent coming late and gets engrossed with the gift, but again, that is momentary. The child will always remember, and the incident will keep coming back to her/him whenever the parent breaks a promise or is not there for the child when she/he expects them. Will this bribery help in the long run?
Some parents will buy anything for their children, whatever they say, only to free themselves from the guilt. Now, let us say that the child wants a toy, game, etc. today, but what happens when they grow up? If it will be an expensive car, phone, or any other object that may or may not be within the reach or budget of the parents, how do you expect the child to accept it and be calm? The demands (mostly unreasonable) will just keep increasing, as the child is now habituated to the same.
A sincere request to the parents is that you never overindulge your child and never compensate your time and your presence with materials, or else you will be replaced by materialistic pleasures, and in later life you will join the other parents in regretting and complaining about the children not being considerate of your feelings and having no time for you as they are busy accumulating materialistic wealth for their luxuries.
Remember, we are the ones who have taught them this way of life, so let us not complain now.
It is detrimental to the overall well-being of the child. After behaving badly with the child, the parent feels more guilty and apologises or showers love on the child, confusing the child. Do not begin the cycle. Always remember that the foundation you lay today will shape the building tomorrow. Good luck. Enjoy the journey. Happy parenting!
Smriti Agrawal is an award-winning author, specialized in early childhood parenting