If you can manage your thoughts, you can manage any adversity in life
It’s well said that we ourselves are the sole creator of ‘heaven’ and ‘hell’ during our lifetime itself. These are not the imaginary ‘places’ beyond earth where we take re-birth after death. We create and experience such conditions in the lifetime only. When our sufferings are severe and continuous, we create ‘hell’ and when our life is full of joy and happiness, we make ‘heaven’ in our life. It all depends on how well or bad we manage our mind.
The world out there is a human construct. We perceive and construct images and models of reality inside our mind. Our beliefs about the world around us, the thoughts, feelings and emotions and state of our mind all contribute in creating the reality inside the mind.
There is no objective or ‘true’ reality outside us. For each one us we perceive the world in our own unique way. There is no ‘true reality’. This is the reason; we all think and perceive the world in different ways. Hence, so much of conflicts and contradictions in our society.
What is the mind?
Since our brain is the most intricate structure in the universe, and brain scientists still have to unravel its intricacies, our mind is equally complex. Since the ancient times, scientists as well as spiritual masters and sages have been trying hard to understand its functioning. Our brain has about 90 billion cells/ neuron and each neuron may be connected to up to 10,000 other neurons, passing signals to each other via as many as 1,000 trillion connections. How can human mind understand such complicated structure? Mind is primarily an outcome of our brain. If something is wrong with our brain either structurally or functionally or both, it will be correspondingly reflected in our mind. In a way, brain is our hardware, which produces, so called, the mind.
Mind can be our best master or the worst servant, we can ever imagine, depending on the control we exercise over it. Outer reality is nothing but the reflection of our own inner world. If we are happy and contended then the outer world is full of joy and happiness. On the contrary, if mind is depressed, sad or distressed then the world around us becomes unfriendly and hostile. It’s just of matter of how we perceive the world in our mind.
How thoughts are created in mind?
Every moment our brain generates thoughts through unconscious neurological process. It’s an automatic process. Astream of incessant thoughts is running in our mind. We have no control over them. In next 15 seconds what kind of thoughts will come in our mind, we have no idea. We can’t suppress inflow of thoughts. If thoughts are disturbing and toxic, our suffering becomes un-manageable. They can even push us into such a horrifying situation that people may take their own life. The problem is many of those people may not be conscious about their state of mind. This is because of the fact that we are completely identified with our mind. We, as a whole, become ‘thinking mind’. We are mostly unaware that it’s the mind that does thinking. Those who suffer from mental health problem are rarely aware that they suffer from mind’s problem.
Conscious Mind
First, we need to understand that our conscious mind is just a tip of the iceberg. The conscious mind consists of all of our thoughts, memories, feelings, and wishes of which we are aware at any given moment. In the present moment, we are aware only the conscious part of the brain. Behind this mind for which are conscious and aware, there are two far more powerful parts of mind i.e. subconscious and unconscious mind.
In fact, all the time, nearly half a million times more powerful mind keeps on working incessantly and we are not aware of it. So, bulk of the mind is behind our conscious mind.
Unconscious Mind
Most of the contents of the unconscious mind are repressed and may be unpleasant, such as feelings of pain, anxiety, or conflict. We are completely unaware of this part of mind. All of our early childhood experiences including traumatic incidents, if any, are deeply imbedded here. The unconscious mind which works behind our conscious mind is a reservoir of feelings, thoughts, urges, and memories that are outside of our awareness.
Subconscious Mind
Then comes our subconscious mind. The function of our subconscious mind is to store and retrieve data from memory bank. All automatic functions like eating, breathing, driving and walking are programmed here. It stores our previous experiences, beliefs, memories, skills and habits. Because of this part of our mind, we work on automatic mode, without the intervention of conscious mind. Another very powerful part of our mind. During our waking hours, more than 95% of our tasks are carried out not by conscious mind but by unconscious and subconscious mind.
So now we know, first of all, our thoughts are generated automatically. We have no control over them. Second, the mind which works in the present moment and for which we are fully aware is just a tip of the iceberg. A massive part of iceberg/mind lies below our awareness. Our behaviour, impulses, urges, beliefs etc are all lies in unconscious mind. That’s why, we have hardly any control over our habitual behaviour and core beliefs. Our reactions are automatic because they are generated from our unconscious mind.
Inherent Nature of Mind: Mind’s wandering
There are few other very important characteristics of mind, which we all must know to understand our mind. The first is mind’s wandering. When we are not focused or attentive, our mind wanders in various possible directions. Suppose we are in a ‘boring’ meeting or watching a movie, we are mostly on wandering mode. Further, mind’s wandering increases when we are disturbed or unhappy. Frequency of wandering of thoughts increases during those distressing times. On the other hand, when we are focused or fully absorbed in certain activity, we are comparatively happier. Mind’s wandering becomes uncontrollable if we are very disturbed. On an average, nearly 53% of our time, our mind is not focused, it’s somewhere else. When we are bored or doing routine or any other uninteresting work, mind’s wandering is as high as 70%. However, when we are engaged in mind- absorbing or concentration-demanding tasks, this percentage is low, as low as 10%.
Second, our mind is biased towards negativity. That’ the reason we are prone to perceive negative news instantly. As an evidence, see any news channels or read daily newspapers, how they highlight negative news because they know that their audience would love that content. Media look desperately for sensational news to broadcast, as public prefer to see that kind of news. The reason lies in our past. When we were hunter gatherers living in highly dangerous and fearful situations, our mind got adapted to receive alerts or signals, negative in nature immediately from surrounding environment. Same sensitivity of negative news is presently continuing. In the modern age, though there is so such types of dangerous circumstances as were prevalent during those days, but our brain gets instantly activated. That particular part of brain is the legacy of that era and this very part makes us fearful even with imaginary threats.
Third , the negative thoughts don’t easy leave our mind once they intrude into our thinking domain. They are very ‘sticky’, stick inside the mind, and keep on repeating and expanding inside the mind. One of the worst characteristic features of negative thoughts is their ‘stickiness’. It’s not an easy task to remove ‘stickiness’ from negative thoughts. Each one of us must have experienced, once in a while, when we are stuck with those types of disturbing thoughts. This inherent nature of our mind makes us vulnerable and prone to negativity. Unless we know how to deal with such kinds of thoughts, it’s not easy for us to manage them.
Fourth, I am sure you all must have observed that when disturbed by negative are thoughts, and try to suppress them by diverting our attention to other things, then same very thoughts resurface more frequently. More we suppress those thought, more forcefully they keep on coming in mind. This is a psychological phenomenon known as “ironic process” or the “white bear problem,” wherein deliberate attempts to suppress certain thoughts make them more likely to reappear. For instance, when someone is trying hard not to think of a white bear, the same bear is likely to appear more in our mind. On those disturbing times, when we try to focus on other activities like talking to friends, to go for those disturbing times, when we try to focus on other activities like talking to friends, to go for movie, play games or start reading, we get only a temporary relief. Those disturbing thoughts just don’t want to quit! We become increasingly agitated and disturbed, when those thoughts keep on intruding in our mind.
Our Own Critique in Mind
There is no harm in engaging our mind with internal voice. However, when we are disturbed for some reason, our own inner voice/critique will keep on repeating ‘self- critical thoughts’. Suppose we commit some grave mistake due to our own negligence, then we become highly critical to ourselves. Even to extent of abusing or criticising severely to ourselves. Many of us must have done sometime in the past. If we experience self-critical voice once in a while there is no problem but once it becomes recurring, more like a habit then it’s very harmful for our mental health. We, without exception, very often talk to ourselves. Unless and until we are focused or be attentive on certain task, we speak to our own self. This is called inner voice.
We can never be perfectly happy and satisfied with life. First of all, we must understand that we can never be perfectly happy. Even if someone has huge wealth, big bungalow to live, all the comforts and luxuries and working on some top executive/govt. post, he/she would still be not happy and satisfied. That person may still be suffering from mental stress or feeling of ‘satisfactoriness’ or may be experiencing some emotional issues at workplace or with relationships. It’s an inherent tendency to be restless and not to be satisfied with life’s conditions. Poor people suffer for want of money and struggle for minimum required level of livelihood. Rich people suffer from boredom and feeling of restlessness because they may still be needing more pleasurable and material goods. Most of them feel they would be happy with more wealth and with more frequent and intense pleasurable activities. The result is majority of us are not fully satisfied and happy with life.
Worrying, the main source of mental distress
We all worry for one reason or another. Worrying is an inherent tendency of our mind as well as a constant problem for us. Worry refers to the thoughts and emotions of a negative nature, with fearful anticipation of poor outcome. Most of us do have a number of concerns to worry about. As an emotion, it is experienced as anxiety or concern about a real or imagined fear or threat,often on personal matters such as health or workplace tensions. Most of us experiences short-lived episodes of worry from time to time in our lives. Our brains are wired to worry first and think rationally later. It often becomes an automatic response to any perception of threat. Some of us will worry about virtually anything. To a certain extent, worrying is good for us because it prompts us to take precautionary measures or avoid risky behaviour. However, worrying often leads to distressing, negative and often obsessive thoughts. Whenever there is a perception of danger, real or imagined, our mind keeps on deliberating and analysing until it’s overburdened with negative thoughts. There will always be some imaginary or real perception of threat involved in our everyday life. And the more we focus on the issue giving us worry, the more we attract the same in one form or another. The mind tends to create worst-case scenarios based on any imaginary fear.
Worrying in itself is not bad as long as it’s controlled. It makes us to prepare better for a possibly difficult event or circumstance. But this is at the cost of our happiness. Very often, when we continue to worry intensively, we experience difficulty in getting sleep, In the long run, worrying leads to many health-related issues. It even weakens our immune system and that’s is the reason we get prone to many other illnesses such as high sugar level, blood pressure and heart disease. The problem with worrying is that it becomes a cycle of self- perpetuating negative thoughts. As we continue to worry, there is a steady flow of negative thoughts which we keep on repeating, with distressing variations, till it becomes uncontrollable. Indeed, a number of studies have shown that worry not only puts strain on our mental health, but also on our physical health.
Psychological Turmmoil is unavoidable
Life is like a roller coaster ride with ups and down. It’s a mix of pain, suffering, boredom, joy and happiness. The problem is when we suffer or experience some adversity, then the thoughts relating to that particular event or circumstances make us mentally and psychologically vulnerable. If we don’t know how to deal with the thoughts that are generated on those moments, we suffer intensively. It’s well said that real test of life comes under adversity. Not only we suffer mentally because of those circumstances but also make our mind susceptible to mental health problems, that may arise at later date. Nearly 15% people in India suffer from different kinds of mental disorders. Many of them don’t seek professional help. Because they are ignorant of the fact that they need medical assistance for their illness. Depression, one of the most prominent mental problem prevalent worldwide pushes lakhs of sufferers to end their lives. We all are potentially vulnerable to experience adversities that can lead to emotional and psychological turmoil in our life.
Uncontrolled flow of thoughts lead to overthinking.
When we think too much, instead of actually doing what we would like to do, we merely think. It is just wastage of time and energy, and puts us in a vicious cycle of thinking, means thinking over and over again. We can’t divert our mind on other activities for long under such circumstances. Same set of thoughts will keep on disturbing. It is the overthinking mind that makes us feel anxious and worried about the future. We also tend to ruminate on any past incident.
There may be numerous situations that may arise in our day to day life, where negative thoughts, relating to regret, hatred, anger, guilt, aggression etc may trouble us. If we don’t handle those thoughts carefully, that will lead to overthink. No one can escape from this mental characteristic. Due to strong identification with mind, we don’t know when we overthink. When we do, it’s the stream of harmful and distressing thoughts that fill our mind. We hardly overthink on positive matters. We only ruminate or worry when we are trapped in unpleasant conditions. When we keep on overthinking most of the time, it invariably leads to psychological distress. This, in turn, reinforce the overthinking. Under such conditions, we are deeply mired in troubling thoughts. Studies have shown that overthinking leads to serious emotional distress. When people can’t escape from this condition, they often resort to unhealthy methods to cope with the problem. Many people start alcohol abuse, some start or increase smoking, while others may overact. It becomes extremely difficult to enjoy sound sleep when our mind is disturbed. Studies confirm this, finding that rumination and worry lead to fewer hours of sleep and poorer sleep quality.
How to manage Negative Thoughts?
First and the foremost thing, which we must to understand that we have no control over the world around us. The people, their behaviour and actions, the pollical and social scenario in the country, and likewise, there is nothing we can control. Many of us, unnecessarily and wasteful, try to change others. If it’s so, then we should not bother about these things in life. We should respond appropriately without preconceived beliefs. However, we have complete control over our inner world. Our thoughts, actions, behaviour, desires, impulses and urges are totally under our control. We must bother about our mind, from where all these things arise.
We must accept our limitations in controlling the external surroundings. The things which are beyond are control must not be the source of our worrying. Similarly, we should remember that “whatever has happened, has happened, and things would have happened in any other way”. There is no point in worrying on those matters. We should accept those things wholeheartedly. This simple philosophy, first, focus on things over which we have control like our thoughts, behaviour and actions. Second, accept the things where we have no control or things have already happened, why worry over them. If we adopt these two components of philosophy, our life will become far simpler and easier.
The Roman philosopher, Epictetus, the founder of Stoicism, had very correctly remarked that, “For good or for ill, life and nature are governed by laws that we can’t change. The quicker we accept this, the more tranquil we can be”.
Balvinder Kumar is Member – Uttar Pradesh – Real Estate Regulatory Authority (UPRERA). As an IAS officer, her served as Secretary, Ministry of Mines, Vice Chairman of Delhi Development Authority (DDA), Vice Chairman of Lucknow Development Authority (LDA). He is the author of two books – Redesign your life in the modern age, and Explore Your Life Journey.
