In today’s world, why do most of us feel uncertain about ourselves? How does one find the strength to look into the eyes of the world and say ‘This is me; accept me or not!’ Why is it that we fight our feelings, shut them in and walk about our lives pretending that we are ‘sorted ’as individuals? What are we running away from? Or more relevantly, what is it that we are trying to run towards and achieve in the limited time we have on this planet?
We are born as babies, we grow and live as young then adults then old and one day we die; that is the crux of every life in this world. But what are we really here for? Is it for fake selfies, parties with our ‘gang’, or random coffee dates with mindless chatter about the what-nots of the oh-so-popular culture of our city? Where did the early-to-bed tuck-ins vanish off to? Does cuddling up next to your dog and falling asleep at 9:30 pm, fail to make the list of what is ‘cool’ in today’s world?
‘The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying’ is a book about an Australian caregiver’s experiences in palliative care. This memoir recounts Bronnie Ware’s years of caregiving to the dying and the wisdom she received from them. To my surprise, none of the regrets mentioned revolve around the lack of fame, wealth or love but rather the most common regret appears to be the fact that they wish they’d had the courage to live a life true to themselves, not the life others expected of them.
For instance, I myself feel blessed to never have left the beautiful city of Chandigarh. After my formal education, excellent hybrid courses started coming my way. Over the past few years, a much-expected social norm has been to move out of one’s home city in order to grow. Those of us introverted extroverts (ambiverts, I believe we are called) who feel much at home at our homes(!) know that we travel the world through different means. If it wasn’t our imagination taking us places, it’s our hearts, and at times our work, that enable us to travel far and then allow us to return to the comfort of our homes. I don’t intend to ask as to where you are situated or what your societal structure is, but a simple question which we often fail to ask ourselves: ‘Are you being true to yourself?’ Or is there a part of you that is trying to escape into the pre-determined social norms to find acceptance there?
After the pandemic, the need for mental health care and deeper spirituality has come to the fore. I see many brave individuals leaving their jobs to follow their hearts’ passions and start their lives anew. I know of a lawyer who quit the legal profession and is a full-time actor-director now; also of a corporate lady, who now runs an NGO for injured and abandoned animals.
I wish I were bold enough to understand what my heart’s calling is. I am still on the hinges about it. But there’s one thing I know: that we don’t have to jump across rivers and dive head-first into fires to be victorious in life. Sometimes all we need is to take a step back from our daily chaos, simplify our lives one step at a time and watch the pieces fall artistically into place.
We are stuck between the transition of past social norms that aren’t valid to us anymore and those societal norms that we are building now. Carefully, one by one, we have to be aware of the informal rules of life. Perhaps all we need as a young generation is to pause (maybe go find someone to hug), find reassurance in the fact that we matter, and accept that we are flawed humans; each unique in their own way. It is alright if we don’t attain 95% and above in our examinations, can’t find the job with the most job security or have a working relationship by the time we are 24.
Let’s try and have the courage to simply embrace who we are. Sometimes that itself is enough. And who knows? Maybe by doing this, we’ll watch life unfold a little differently in the years to come.
Kavya Atray
