Life is not a smooth run, we get into bumpy tracks, have to change gears on to wild tracks, and sometimes completely take a detour or an unexpected derailment to an unpredictable destination. It is more like running a race with no finish line. The constant state of uncertainty and insecurity erupting from arbitrariness of life puts one in a state of mind where we are in a constant worry about what will go wrong next. This is definitely not a fun state of mind, but we don’t seem to have much choice, or do we have a choice? The frequent pop culture advice one receives is to put a positive spin to all situations, no matter how difficult. Now, We most definitely can’t dispute that life can be quite a rollercoaster ride, with its ups and downs that keep us on our toes, but sometimes it’s not only tough, it becomes unbearable and at that point of time it’s not always easy to look on the bright side of life.
Remember the phrase from the movie 3 idiots, ‘All is well’ became the mantra of instantly tapping into the positivity, pushing aside and ignoring the bad feelings and things that aren’t going according to us. Staying positive involves positive thinking, positive emotions, and positive behaviours. It also involves looking for solutions rather than focusing on problems, expecting good results, and making life happier. But does positivity mean to ignore difficulties and bad experiences? While ‘All is well’ attitude can fool the heart and mind into thinking ALL is actually well, it can lead to plastering the emotions, repressing them and leaving them unaddressed, unheard and unresolved.
Pretending that things are alright when in reality everything is falling apart is delusional and gift wrapping the dystopian state of mind when facing unprecedented challenges is toxic positivity which results into spirals anxiety, resentment, jealousy, disappointment, begrudging and complaining rather than appreciating the blessings of life. Of course, not to say that one needs to discard the positive attitude completely but intentional shift in the outlook on life and in our personal well being should be the aim of living a more meaningful and grounded life which is full with GRATITUDE, because people who are happy are not because of the reasons of what they do or things possess or wealth they have, but they are happy because of the reasons how they look at life, how they perceive things, possessions and people in their life. Being grateful and always looking at the glass as half full and not half empty, comes from how we choose to look at things, and this has the power to change our life. The shift in our perspective from, I have nothing to I have everything, or from I am nothing to, I am all I need, is a wonderful awakening.
Gratitude is just not a feeling of appreciation or thanks. It is one of the most powerful positive emotions we experience that has the ability to completely change our lives for the better. When we are grateful, we are happier, more positive, and have a greater sense of well-being. It allows us to connect with and build stronger relationships with ourselves and others. Gratitude is an attitude that doesn’t come naturally to many, but it can be cultivated over time with conscious practice.a
I agree when people say that gratitude doesn’t come easily, especially in times of heartache but I also believe that Gratitude is something that grows inside of you, once you plant the seed of being grateful in your heart, mind and soul. Every time we sit in a space of love and thankfulness, it will eventually sprout the feelings of being blessed, contentment, peace, in harmony, self-worth even during the toughest of trials, or when life appears most unfair. You will never want to let yourself go into a space of pity and complain or stay there for too long for the space of gratitude is such bliss to be in. One only experiences love and calm. And love is all that you really need to heal. Gratitude creates a state of mind that is open, receptive and appreciative of the simple things in life and helps us to savour the moment. It encourages us to be more giving and compassionate towards others.
It is not simple to cultivate the attitude of gratitude, because the constant little voices in our heads are continually evaluating, judging and commenting on things happening around us, labelling them as good or bad. Making us like and desire only those which are good and complain and begrudge the bad things and just like that we complain and begrudge everything which is against our will. But nurturing an attitude of gratitude can change and expand our consciousness.
What do we do when we complain?
Things that bother us, we have the tendency to go over them again and again and again. We repeat them, overthink them, and in the process we keep reinforcing them by giving energy and uncalled for attention. We reiterate thoughts like Why can’t things go my way? Why does every little thing have to be such a struggle? Why do I have to suffer? Complaining is a practice by which we make things bigger than what they are in reality. Our focus is on what is irritating us, we lament what we do not have and we ignore what we do have. Practising gratitude is training ourselves to try and increase our awareness of what we do have, what we love, what makes us happy, what makes us feel blessed. We live in a world where we are trained to logically look out for our best interest. What’s in it for me, is probably our essential start point for anything new and it is only natural for us to ask what’s in it for me to be always grateful for good and bad in our lives. Well, gratitude is the emotion which is responsible for opening our hearts to the present moment. With an open heart we are ready to receive and we are ready to let go.
But our mind questions us constantly when we are consciously trying to switch into the gratitude mode. What about all the obstacles, unpleasant people, and difficulties in our life? We need to respond to our minds’ queries with only one answer, and be grateful for having to deal with annoying people, difficult situations because now we could practise patience, exert in mindfulness, become more loving and kind, and have more compassion towards everyone. These difficult people and circumstances are there to teach us lessons in being more humble, accepting and still only count our blessings and therefore we need to be very grateful towards them. Whatever the circumstance may be, irrespective of how complex, challenging or frustrating it can be, contains a positive seed that should be nurtured to bring forth gratitude and fortitude within us. Be grateful to everyone, especially those individuals who test our limits of patience, tolerance and sanity. They too are enduring great suffering in bringing out the worst in those around them. They deserve our utmost gratitude.
Look for the silver lining. When we will train ourselves to look for some positives in the presence of many negatives, gratitude then will emerge from even the most challenging of circumstances. Let’s expand our mindfulness, to deepen our awareness and to understand that there are many factors at work together, to make our life possible and pleasant. Consciously practise gratitude for the people present in our lives like our family, friends, mentors, benefactors, and everyone who has walked this earth before us, and who have made it possible for our existence to be comfortable, for us to be informed, and to feel empowered. All those people who have invisibly served us by providing shelter, safety, food, medicine and education, they all deserve our boundless gratitude, all the time.
Kindness and gratitude are virtues we can foster. Gratitude is not only the most elevating emotion we can experience, it is the most humbling one too. Practising gratitude is in fact the most powerful tool when you want to be the scriptwriter of your life and manifest your dreams and fulfil your desires. If you’re feeling bothered or a bit stuck with anything at the moment, and you’re ready to elevate your life condition, then learn to practise gratitude every day, every moment, for everything that makes your life worth living. Personally for me Gratitude is like showing the universe, day in and day out, what it should deliver to me. Just the things we are grateful for, so be grateful for all the stuff that makes you happy! Wear gratitude like a cloak, said Rumi, and it will feed every corner of your life.
Dr. Navita Sandhu
