The saying, ‘Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy wealthy and wise’ has for long been deemed to be a universal truth. But it may be losing its sheen thanks to freaks like me, the software professionals whose brain seems to secrete a special coding lubricant at night and the gaming addicts who play like crazy once their parents, spouses or partners lose their ‘checks and balances’ role after succumbing to sleep. Also, over the years, I made some sharp observations about those who aped the rooster-few were not healthy, many were not wealthy and most weren’t wise. So, I signed a peace treaty with my aberrant biological clock.
While the disciplined and the sanskari go gaga over the dawn, they are in the dark about the infinite possibilities of the late nights. Since it is so calm and quiet, my creative juices flow freely and the writers’ block is kept at bay. Also, I act as the watchman of the house and even the colony, with a nominal emolument- unmonitored access to the kitchen and the refrigerator. In addition, I go to the terrace off and on to scan the sky with an owlish eye, thus keeping a lookout for any surprise attack by aliens on our beloved planet.
I often get requests from friends and relatives, who need to travel just before dawn, to give them wake up calls and I happily oblige. Sometimes I ping the customer care numbers of companies during late night just to keep the employees awake and thus improve the efficiency of these organizations. I have even relived my childhood by taking bath in the rain a few times in the night- an activity which is risky during the day because someone could record a video and then make it viral. Of course, sleeping late is a status symbol nowadays. People raise their eyebrows if someone says- I sleep by 9 pm.
I can afford to get up late- I am my own boss. But this has often led to odd situations. Once a relative came home to meet me in the late morning. At the entrance gate, he asked my domestic worker, ‘Where is doctor Jas?’ ‘He must be sleeping in the bedroom upstairs!’ pat came the reply. My reputation is rock solid. Those who give a phone call to me in the early morning get replied in the tone of a person who has taken an overdose of sleeping pills. Since I wake up late, I don’t have to fetch milk. Early in the morning, so many people are praying to God that the lines are congested- better to do it in the afternoon.
Nowadays, most of those who sleep late aren’t involved in shady activities!
Jas Kohli is a noted humour writer. His published work includes three bestselling humour novels- ‘Anything to Look Hot’, ‘Lights! Scalpel! Romance!’ and ‘Lights! Wedding! Ludhiana!’.