Before we consider why we might want to finish with attachment, we can look at what attachment means. It can be thought of as a kind of stickiness that binds me, sometimes quite strongly, to some other thing or some other person, in a way that takes away my liberty.
There are four main spheres of attachment. The first, and greatest one, is attachment to other human beings, that is, to our relationships. The second is to our own bodies, even though we are not bodies, we care about how we look, or how to keep fit and healthy. The third is to our possessions, our house, car, belongings, and the major one in most people’s lives right now, our mobile phone. The fourth is to our comfort zone, how we like things done, or our culture and climate. None of these are wrong in themselves but they all have one thing in common – they are external to me. They are not ‘me’, although if the attachment is very deep, then they can feel as though they are a part of me. For example, if I have a very expensive and beautiful car, and someone scratches the paintwork, then it can feel as though it is I who has been disfigured.
Everything external to me is subject to the laws of nature, and that is that they are temporary and the only thing we can be certain of is that they will change. When those changes come, and if I am deeply attached, then the result is suffering. When I am attached to someone or something, I am affected by what happens to them. My emotions are in constant flux – if they are happy, then I am happy, if they are sad, then I am sad. I no longer am in control of my life – those things or people are influencing how I think and how I live. Attachment is interlinked with control. In a relationship of co-dependency, I am either being controlled or I am attempting to control the other. Emotional dependency is a state of taking, begging, and brings about a loss of dignity.
How do I become free from emotional attachment? Firstly, I must recognise that any and all relationships need space. Space to breathe, space to move – that each one is a soul on their own personal journey. I may travel along with them for some time, but that time with them is not finite, it will end, and they may continue their journey without me, sometime later on. To step back and give that space to a relationship so that I am free to stand independently and yet in gentle connection with everyone, I must do three things:
Honestly identify what and who I am attached to. How can I tell? It is very easy, because wherever I am reacting, I am attached.
Understand the spiritual law that says, I can control nothing that is external to me. The only place I have control is over my own thoughts and feelings.
I and everyone else was born with complete power. Attachment begins when I have an emptiness inside, and I reach to the external to try to feel complete. I can regain power if I focus on empowering the inner self.
Meditation is all about this – the process of connecting to the real me and the awareness that I already have all that I need. In meditation I can experience that true self and then when I connect with others, it is for the sake of giving, not for taking. In meditation I connect with the Divine, the Supreme, and in this I am reminded of who I really am. Our entire spiritual journey is from attachment to dis-attachment, from dependency to independence, from not knowing who I am to the full awareness of who I am. Each time I meditate and connect to the Supreme – I am one step closer to that ultimate freedom.
Sona Bahri is a meditation teacher based in Abu Dhabi, and coordinates the activities of the Inner Space Meditation Centre.