I have always loved and been fascinated by the old world romances. Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, Jane Eyre, Emma, Wuthering heights- all of them invoke romance as it ideally should be but today When Harry meets Sally she’s not aware that the love is not gonna stay and will soon ghost away! And the same could happen to Harry too.
In the world of gadgets, relationships are made and abandoned so fast that it becomes difficult even to count them. Coping up with them is tougher still!
Relations are moving at a swift, breakneck pace. Someone once told me many commas will enter your relationships, do value them and don’t treat them as full stops- work towards keeping relationships alive. However, if people leave you, move on; you owe it to yourself. I feel it’s valid to a great extent, but the way people leave in today’s world is disheartening.
If you feel things cannot move further or one is not compatible or not mentally/intelligently at par, then go ahead, speak openly and leave. You owe it to the other person, to yourself and to the memories you created together. But instead of that, people find the easy way out and ghost. ‘GHOSTING’ means suddenly stopping all possible communications to end a personal or professional relationship. They think they don’t owe a response, but it is cowardly and insensitive immature behaviour.
Ghosting is the worst of all ways to leave a relationship or a situationship, which is so common these days. There could be many reasons for choosing ghosting as a way out. The prime reason could be the desire to avoid discomfort, which can apply to various situations. After flirting for a while, a man or woman may disappear rather than admit they’ve lost interest. Someone mistreated by a friend might stop responding rather than confronting them. A teenager frustrated by a minimum wage job might spontaneously stop showing up to work instead of giving notice.
There are two more pals of Ghosting: Orbiting and Breadcrumbing. After someone breaks off relations, they engage with you by orbiting; this often happens through interactions via social media—leaving a like or comment or poke, for example—without speaking to the person beyond that.
Breadcrumbing is related to orbiting. The person may send frequent communications, as well as comments and likes online. However, all the contact never amounts to anything real. These confusing situations can instil a sense of false hope for the relationship, which, after a while, becomes apparent and breaks up the receiver. Surely the ones we have at one time valued deserve better?
So what, then, is the right way to end a relationship? Someone said the solution is a friendly neighbour of ghosting i.e Caspering, a friendly ghosting named after the friendly cartoon ghost, Casper. This simple form of ending contact is not ghosting per se but rather a firm and direct statement conveying that you will not see the person again. It can be short and sweet, as in: Thank you for taking the time to meet. I hope everything works out well for you. Bye.” It is direct and seems hard, but it is better for all in the long run. And yes, it doesn’t have to be so hard and can be done softly and sensitively, too, but in any case, it is final, and the other person can move on just as you have decided to. The aftermaths of ghosting on the ghosted are pretty complicated.
Mental health professionals have found that ghosting can be classified as a form of emotional cruelty. In an online survey, those who experienced breadcrumbing (leading someone on) or a combination of breadcrumbing and ghosting were shown to have an increased feeling of loneliness and helplessness and a decreased satisfaction with life.
Ghosting not only hurts the ghosted but also lowers their morale, their faith, and confidence and leaves them with a never-answered question: why did it all happen? And Is it really over?
It creates trust issues, and the person suffering cannot trust anyone easily in future. A lot of psychological impact stays for an unexpectedly longer time than presumed.
Moving on from ghosting is never easy and doesn’t look the same for everyone, and how you move on can differ depending on whether that person’s a romantic partner, a friend, or a co-worker. It’s an arduous task for many, but if at the receiving end, one needs to firmly initiate working towards self-care. Set boundaries, spend time with family and friends, don’t blame yourself or doubt your self-worth, and seek professional help if required.
So don’t ever ‘ghost’ your way out of a relationship -Treat others with respect and move on after effective communication. It could just happen to you tomorrow!