Sometimes, when we are unhappy or irritated, if asked why we are in a bad mood, we say that it is because of the way things are going in our life, or that another person made us angry. Similarly, we credit our happiness to circumstances or other people’s behaviour. This is a deeply ingrained belief system which reinforces our emotional slavery, stopping us from living life the way we would like to.
If someone repeatedly nags us about what we should and should not do, we thank them for the advice and make it clear that the decision will be ours. We like to have the freedom to choose the way we live, and that is what we tell others. But we need to tell ourselves the same thing. We create certain dependencies and bondages which we need to be free from. It only takes a little attention on the self and some understanding to be emotionally free.
We believe that our thoughts, feelings, words and behaviour are shaped by situations or other people and their conduct. This is called emotional dependence. If situations or other people decide whether we are happy or not, we are dependent on them. We complain, “They hurt me…”, “They insulted me….” If there is sorrow, anger, peace or stability in the mind, have we chosen to create it or is it there because of someone else? We need to ask ourselves this question.
What are we all slaves to? We become dependent on circumstances, or other people, or facilities and objects that we use every day. We say, “I cannot do without it.” If one of the objects is lost or stops working, we are dejected or worried.
We can become dependent on certain foods, and have them even when we know they will damage our health. Words such as “I cannot manage without it”, or “I feel distressed if I do not have it”, increase our emotional dependence and slavery.
If we become upset over trivial matters, and get angry if someone does not look at us the right way, these are signs that our dependence is increasing. When we blame others for the way we feel, we undermine our freedom, and this erodes our inner power…
Now we have to choose to be free. We take numerous small decisions throughout the day. Suppose someone speaks to us improperly. We can respond with certain kinds of thoughts, words or behaviour. But are we consciously choosing the response or merely reacting to the situation? We even attribute our reaction to the other person’s behaviour, which means we are so dependent on others that we are unaware of having chosen our reaction.
When we keep reacting to situations and people, our inner power gets depleted, as a result of which our innate qualities of peace, happiness, love, and respect diminish. The weaker we become, the less our reactions will be in our control. Stress, anger and fear are uncomfortable emotions – they are emotional ‘dis-eases’.
Meditation teaches us the right way of thinking, enabling us to shift from dis-ease to ease, which is a state of being relaxed, peaceful and stable. Regular practice of meditation helps us decide what to feel, think, say or do in any situation. When we recognise the fact that we are souls, children of the Supreme Soul, and contemplate our innate purity, peace, love, and power, and our Father’s vast store of these qualities, we realise that we have everything we need. The feeling of fullness and contentment this brings, frees the soul from all dependence.
B.K. Shivani is a well-known motivational speaker and Rajyoga teacher.