The concept of detachment is often regarded as remaining distant from others, as being cold and uncaring, especially by those growing up in the West. In the East, detachment is a spiritual concept much more widely recognised but even so, it is not always well understood. However, when detachment is properly exercised, combined, vitally, with the power of love, then the freedom that the soul experiences is full of a wealth of feelings, attitudes, and thoughts that were simply not possible when caught up in attachments.
Detachment is about regaining our freedom. It is an awareness that stops us from being torn apart when separated from things or people that we love. In the same way as a baker lines a baking tin to stop the cake falling apart when it is removed from the tin, detachment is the lining of protection that stops love being spoiled. Separation from those we love is inevitable, at some point, even if that is only in death. But there are many other reasons for separation and when we love with attachment, it only brings sorrow and suffering somewhere along the line.
We live in a world that actively promotes attachment. If we are not attached to things that the world of advertising and commerce promote, then we would not keep on buying what is on offer. We need very clear thinking and understanding to be free of the influence of this kind of manipulation. In relationships, though, the lines are much more blurred. Real love is very much misunderstood. Jealousy and anger are not love. Control and possessiveness are not love. Manipulation and violence are not love. Happiness and sweetness, generosity and lightness do not create any kind of sorrow – they are attributes of love. The most precious thing we can own is our happiness, and real love for another is precious. Detachment is the protector of that pure love and keeps it free from any form of pain or sorrow.
Attachment creates expectations, desires, judgement, criticism, and possessiveness. At the very worst it evokes strong and dangerous energies of uncontrollable attraction or uncontrolled repulsion. Detachment is seeing things as they really are, without the distorted and uncomfortable conversations going on inside, about what we imagine is happening. Detachment helps us to love more and appreciate being loved with no pain, no possessiveness, and is connected to the art of letting go. Love has a purity that is worth honouring. I do not need anyone else to be happy. Happiness does not depend on who I am with or what I am doing or what is happening. Spirituality, based on the understanding that I am a soul, a beautiful unique being experiencing life on this Earth, brings great happiness. I have full rights to the beauty of life, to love freely and simply be happy the moment I awaken – I am alive on planet Earth, taking part in the biggest movie ever made, and I am part of it. Seeing all the victory and defeat, I can embrace it all with love and detachment. I want to play a beautiful role, to be one of the ‘good guys’ and make things wonderful.
Inner happiness and real love are like the perfume of a flower – nothing can make the fragrance more, or less. I can love and emanate the fragrance of love without becoming lost. When there are inevitable separations, then I can give that love and not wallow in sorrow; give them good wishes for what is to come. Like a river keeps flowing towards its destiny – to reach the ocean, it does not get stuck anywhere, it keeps on flowing. Everything and everyone we meet is for a temporary period of time, we all have our own destiny to reach.
Sometimes we find that it is easier to love some rather than others. This is based on selfishness; we find it easier to love those who bring us something. So, for the ones we find not so easy to love, there are five things we can actively do to find that pure love within us.
1. Get to know that person. Listen to their story.
2. Seek out the real qualities within them and name them, and talk about them to others.
3. Bring spirituality into the relationship – they are a brother or a sister, God’s child. How would God see them?
4. Find something to help them with. Bring something good to them.
5. Gift the sense of belonging. Let them feel they belong – we are all one family. It is one world; one family, and we are all going through something.
Love is sacred and the source of it is the Supreme Being, God. We must preserve a pure heart and not permit anyone to hurt that heart. We can combine being immensely spiritually loving, with deep compassionate detachment.
Eric Le Reste is a journalist and was a producer for the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation. He coordinates the activities of Brahma Kumaris centres in Canada.