Today, at the ripe age of 52, I woke up to my phone ringing today morning. And as I heard the obscenities ranted out by the ‘gentleman’ at the other end set me thinking. This land where we address our nation as ‘Bharat Mata’, albeit Mother India, and our history is full of instances of women’s active participation in not just household chores but also in various professions like arts, politics, fashion etc., even as warriors since time immemorial – where did we degenerate to such lowly minds? Where did we go wrong – as mothers, as a society, as a culture, in our traditions?
This is the same land where we have the Sun Temple and Khajurao Temple depicting erotism in such an artful and beautiful manner that it signifies the relationship between genders and the erotica as expressions of a form of spiritualism. This is also the land where the traditional dresses enhance the human body’s sexual appeal albeit with sophistication and simplicity. And this probably for a respect for the source of the origin of mankind, the reason we are all born.
When I remember the stories, I heard from my grandmothers and aunts, these stories reflect the ‘forward-mindedness’ of their times. Even though they were home makers, there was a respect and a voice. The roles of the men and the women, for the large part, were pretty much equal and respectful. Their personas were well recognised at home and in the society. This is true for most of the states in the country. So, have we degenerated since then? Of course, there are stories where women were ill-treated as well. Nevertheless, we are today in the 21st century and should’ve anyways progressed. And there is progress for sure. Only why is this progress forced?
We hear of rapes regularly, and of all age groups, be it babies to elderly women. We witness domestic violence within our homes which we may not choose to admit or recognise. Worse, we may not even see it as discrimination – for example do not go out alone at night, come back home before dark, how can you travel alone, don’t be seen around with boys etc. Are there such restrictions on the boys? The same discriminatory attitude carries on into work places. Now can we wonder why, when girls and women do step out, they get pinched / jostled / accosted etc. by the opposite gender?
I happened to be a pretty girl back then and have worked hard to get where I am. However, at every stage of age there is one thing that has continued – the unwanted calls, the eery stares, the rogue remarks, the unwanted expressions and unnecessary stalking!! And when I look around, it is the very same with a young girl (at the least), home maker who may step out occasionally and a globe trotter like me!
During my growing years (spanning school and career)I have been accosted by classmates, pinched on the roads, followed around, stared at, found letters in my bag, been accused of sleeping with anyone, been called names – so on and so forth. And this is not because I am a spirited woman who dares to lead my life – unfortunately, this is the story of every young woman around me. And this is something for all of us to be ashamed of. It is just that we do not wish to discuss this.
While schools have initiated sexual education but this is very limited to the biology. Has this extended to create personas that are unbiased of gender, that are not prejudiced and narrow minded, that are able to assert their needs in a healthy fashion? So, the question is, how can we raise individuals that are open to healthy inter gender relationships?
These discriminatory attitudes need to be realised by us first to even initiate the required change. It is we who are the society, and it is we who need to change. It is we who need to bring up our boys and girls with equanimity towards free spirit of living. It is we who need to allow them to make their choices through, and be accepting of those. It is for us to accept the basic human needs which have been a part of our evolution and are natural and biological. It is for us to ensure that we shape the ‘societal’ norms to be accepting of these needs and focus on ‘consensual’ relationships. It is ok to express a fondness in a healthy manner, however if a response is a NO this has to be respected. It is ok to explore relationships but if they do not workout, each other’s boundaries need to be respected ensuring civility. But this can happen only when we turn inwards to understand our thought processes as adults.
It is only then that we can negate these expressions of suppression!
