In my childhood, my parents were very particular about my brother and me conducting ourselves as per the place we were in; for example, if we were in a restaurant, there would be rules such as elbows to be off the table, cutlery should not make a sound against the dishes, voice to be soft, no getting up from our chair without a valid reason, etc. Then, if we were travelling in an aeroplane or train, there was another set of rules, the same for cinema halls, other people’s houses, etc.
We knew, and it had become a part of our inner selves, that the playground and our home were the two places where we could play, run, shout, and do all sorts of antics.
Time changed, and with that, civic literacy changed. In today’s times, parents have no time or inclination to set rules and boundaries, as they feel that it is binding for children. The common feeling today is that children need to be themselves and be free wherever they are. But is that the right way to raise a responsible individual?
When we are not guiding the children in their formative years to consider the space and privacy of others, how do we expect them to grow up to be empathetic and responsible citizens?
Today, we see children shouting, making noise, running around, and misbehaving wherever they are, and parents ignore them. They are running in the aisles of cinema halls, all over restaurants, aeroplanes, hotel corridors when they are on holiday, malls, metro rails, etc. Others who get disturbed are also unable to say anything because the moment anyone raises an objection, they are told, “Arey! What is your problem? They are only kids, after all.” The millennials need to be guided and trained on this aspect of parenting, where they raise their children to be aware of social conduct and the culture of different ambiences. The only strategy they have is to hand a gadget to the child, who is quiet and engrossed in it.
The strategies for parents to teach their children to have an appropriate demeanour and conduct are:
Be a role model: Children observe the way a parent behaves in a space and then embody the same in their own behaviour.
Game to set rules: Make a game of having agreements with the children on different sets of rules for different places.
No gadgets on dining tables: Whether in the house or outside, gadgets should not be allowed for adults or children. Engage your children with conversations about food, talk to them about the place they are in, etc.
Involve the children: inform your children about where you are taking them and what their expectations are of the place.
Do not take the children to places not meant for them: If you will not be able to engage your children purposefully in a place, party, or dinner, do not take them on such outings with you.
Movie halls and theatres are not for children: Unless it is a children’s movie or play, avoid taking children to a movie or play. The dark, enclosed space with loud noises is not compatible with children’s sensitive senses, and neither can they sit patiently for such a long time for something that does not interest them. Please understand that they have a limited attention span until the age of 10.
Let us, as adults, be clear that it is not the children’s fault. The onus lies on us to decide how and where we take them and how we have groomed them for the outings. My suggestion is to always plan to take your children to places of their interest and spend quality time with them instead of fitting them into your plans. Happy parenting!
Smriti Agrawal is an award winning author, specialized in early childhood parenting
