How to experience real love in life

It is impossible to desire something that one has never experienced. If you were to ask any number of people what they really desire, the majority would probably answer, ‘to love and be loved’. A life bereft of love, is no life at all. That means that everyone you know has once experienced deep love. If you were to delve further, and ask them about what kind of love they would like to give and receive, some may answer ‘real’ love. It is the quality of love that really matters. We have all felt love in our hearts and feel the happiest when we feel that positivity and energy. But many things can happen that can cause it to become hidden. When it does, we become dispirited, despondent and look for something, anything, to be the object of the love we want to feel and want to receive.

What is that real love? It could be called spiritual love. It is a flow of good wishes and positive, pure feelings that goes outward rather than inward and is unrelated to neediness, weakness or insecurity. It requires a strong sense of identity. Many find that ability to love in this way because they have received love of this quality in childhood, and others often find it when they have gone through some unimaginable tragedy and find this kind of deep spiritual love to be the only way to make sense of what they went through, and find it heals the deepest parts of them.

It is there within all of us, but can become obscured and concealed when we begin a habit of negativity, criticism, cynicism, and even turning on the self. These patterns of thought arise from loss, hurt, pain and sadly self-perpetuate. The more established these patterns become, then what is being said and done are based on them and the return, from others, is the same.

How can we reveal this real love that lies within and bring it back into our lives? It is very difficult to do until the mind is willing and open to have the awareness of the inner being, the soul. It is a very subtle awareness, and slippery to hold on to, but it allows one to connect to a power source that fills the heart with happiness and contentment, and this spills over into our relationships and actions. Others see this fullness and sense the love behind it and feel safe as they recognise there is no neediness. They feel it as love, and it is reciprocated. Once this cycle of warmth and love begins, there is no other way one wants to live.

Neville Hodgkinson is a UK-based author and journalist, and a long-time student of Rajyoga.