The title of the article appears to be unconventional for various reasons but in the present times people are so busy in making themselves look professionally or materialistically shiny that no one wants to write or read about emotions or the secret battles that we all struggle with, but only few have the courage to address them.
Not acknowledging the adversaries of mind or heart does not absolve us of the torments that we might be holding within. Most of us try to suppress and ignore the unresolved conflicts (traumas as we call them for the lack of a better word) and lock them up in the tiniest part of our hearts and minds. But does that mean that we have healed from it? The answer is definitely No.
How can we ever heal from a wound when we have not even bothered to address it in the first place? A recent conversation with a student got me mulling over the idea of a psychological and spiritual mechanism termed as “healing” which is quite talked about in the present times but seldom is it executed.
What does the term “healing” mean? If outlined in the simplest words it means to make something healthy again, whether it is our body, our mind or the heart. But in order to heal we first need to address the wound and only then the real healing begins.
When it comes to the wounds on the body this appears to be an effortless process, but the heart and mind have their own ways to deal with the wounds. The wounds when not addressed leave scars and this is why addressing them becomes all the more important.
Take for example the illness or death of a parent or a loved one. No one can take the place of our parents, but when you witness them in pain right in front of your eyes on a daily basis something within you breaks. But you have to pull yourself back and accept the reality.
One has to heal from the damage caused within, for a failure to address the emotion or the affliction will only open the doors to a catastrophe.
This is the reason that we are always taught that acceptance is the key to happiness or must I say “healing.” When we accept the realities of the circumstances around us and most importantly the realities within us, life becomes much easier. It however takes a journey to accept that something within us is broken which at times looks like it is beyond repair.
The wounds seem to be irreparable for a lot of us. If an infection or a wound in our physical body spreads to such an extent that it threatens our very existence, we cut that organ and save ourselves. But when it comes to matters of the heart and mind, we decide to dissociate ourselves from reality altogether. We consciously take the decision of never addressing or talking about the wounds, the pain, the mental lacerations and anguish. Why do we do that? The answer is simple—we want to be labelled “strong.” Some of us even term it as a “defence mechanism.”
But have you ever wondered that when a slight or a trivial insult triggers us we keep thinking about it for days to follow. We are not able to let go of it, so for a moment imagine a grief that resides within us, and we fail to even acknowledge it. Devastating!!
Humans sometimes unintentionally but mostly intentionally brush their emotions, thoughts and sentiments under the carpet of the word —— “strength.” What people fail to comprehend is that being strong is an entirely different notion which relatively has nothing to do with the resolving of deepest scars and wounds that we all carry within us.
The scars that stay with us as lessons that we are humans, and it is ok to have been hurt by other humans or the will of destiny. Like someone remarked,“The marks humans leave are too often scars.” However, not allowing ourselves to heal from the hurt and pain caused is nothing short of “self-destruction.”
The journey is tedious and is accompanied with sleepless nights where you cry yourself to death, anxiousness leading to panic attacks or pulling yourself from all the places/people that once made you happy. But the journey is essential and inevitable too, for once we reach the destination it all starts to make sense. That is where we discover our real “strength.”
It gives us courage and allows us to embrace our scars with dignity. I recently read this which made so much sense- “As long as you keep secrets and suppress information, you are fundamentally at war with yourself…The critical issue is allowing yourself to know what you know. That takes an enormous amount of courage.”
No one wishes to step on the road of suffering or even take a stroll on it, especially when we are left stranded on this road by the people we adore, love and look upon in our most distressing times. Given a choice every human would take the path where there is only light and the dungeons are zillion miles away.
But anyone who manages to heal (with no timeline prescribed) manages to find their own light. As Kahlil Gibran the famous poet wrote years ago: “Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”
Dr. Nidhi Sharma, Assistant Professor of Law, University Institute of Legal Studies (UILS), Panjab University, Chandigarh
