Forget Candlelight Dinners: Hypergamy Makes A Comeback In Modern American Dating

In today’s fast-paced world of romance, the classic notions of candlelight dinners and long walks are being overshadowed by a centuries-old practice making a notable resurgence: hypergamy. This trend, where individuals seek partners of higher socioeconomic status, is becoming increasingly prominent in the United States. Historically celebrated in literature and media, hypergamy is now a real-world phenomenon shaping modern dating dynamics.

So, what drives this age-old practice in today’s context, and what does it reveal about contemporary romance? Let’s delve deeper.

What Is Hypergamy?

Hypergamy refers to the practice of marrying or dating someone perceived as more successful or secure. According to Alysha Jeney, a licensed marriage and family therapist and owner of Modern Love Counseling, this behavior can be either conscious or subconscious. “Often, it stems from a desire for financial security, reputation enhancement, or a higher sense of self-worth and identity,” Jeney explained in an interview with Cosmopolitan.

A survey by Talker Research, commissioned by the luxury dating site Seeking.com, highlighted that 41% of participants find it acceptable to showcase their success and affluence on a first date. Moreover, 31% consider financial success an attractive trait, and nearly 39% believe that finding a partner with hypergamic traits can significantly impact their personal growth and self-discovery.

Emma Hathorn, an in-house dating and relationships expert at Seeking.com, noted that meaningful connections often hinge on partners matching each other’s intellect and ambitions. “Setting the bar with luxury and ambition on dates can elevate the entire relationship experience,” Hathorn said. “People are moving away from ordinary dating, seeking partners who can elevate them both in conversation and through exclusive, tailored experiences.”

What Defines ‘Luxury’ In Dating?

The survey also explored what constitutes ‘luxury’ in dating today. Nearly half of the respondents (47%) described a date as “luxurious” if it involved deep, intelligent conversations and understanding their partner’s background. Additionally, 39% viewed a date as luxurious when their partner footed the entire bill.

The allure of being “swept off their feet” remains potent, with 65% of respondents deeming this feeling essential for a successful date. Alarmingly, 35% believe that without experiencing this on a first date, the relationship is likely doomed.

Attractive Traits In Partners

The survey revealed specific traits that make individuals attractive on dates. Self-confidence topped the list, admired by 80% of respondents. Seventy-five percent appreciated those who take pride in their achievements, and 73% valued efforts to make the first date special.

Moreover, 42% found financial stability and cooking skills highly attractive. Other desirable traits included having a nice home (24%), a cultured taste in music (21%), and a good fashion sense (20%).

The Growing Appeal Of Hypergamy

Interestingly, the concept of hypergamy was initially unfamiliar to 43% of the 2,000 Americans surveyed. However, once explained, 47% expressed a positive view of it, indicating a growing acceptance and appeal.

As Americans continue to navigate the complexities of modern romance, the resurgence of hypergamy suggests a shifting landscape where ambition, success, and elevated experiences play crucial roles in forging lasting connections.