Recently, a friend sent to me an article taken from the internet which was titled- Even if the wife murders her husband, she is entitled to family pension. It was based on a judgement given by the High Court in a case, obviously after taking into consideration all the aspects. I was reminded of the life insurance agents who convey the benefits of husband’s death to a lady. Therefore, those husbands whose wives have latent homicidal tendencies are cautioned not to take life insurance policies with very heavy premium amount.
Talking of deadly females, the black widow spider takes the cake. Once the male has mated with her, she makes a meal of the ‘hopelessly attracted to her’ foolish lover. However, in humans, such murders are exceedingly rare. Women are preservers and would take the extreme step only if the husband is a drunkard, drug addict or chronic wife beater. If the husband’s infidelity is discovered (especially if caught in a compromising position), anything can happen on the spur of the moment. The reaction could vary- verbal assault, slapping, and usage of household objects as projectiles, assault with sandals and assault with kitchen knives. The lucky ones get away with forgiveness which is conditional upon them developing extraordinary control over the primal instincts in future. As a precaution, only small and blunt kitchen knives may be kept at home. Another sure-fire way of inviting trouble is to denigrate your wife’s parents or siblings. And to prevent the opposite, that is the husband becoming a danger, the wives should never allow the husband to get an arms licence.
Social media is full of jokes about the husband wife relationship. But dark humour is often generated in real life. ‘I Can’t Live With or Without You’, the title of the hit song by the rock band U2, is apt to describe the embittered relationships as is the title of the movie, ‘Sleeping With the Enemy.’ When I was in Delhi, a senior doctor in our hospital, who had a severe heart ailment, revealed, ‘When my wife gets up in the night, she looks at me carefully- to determine whether the old man is dead or alive!’ Another incident is also etched in my memory. A group of couples were in Mussoorie on a holiday. One lady got separated in the market from the main bunch. When she was untraceable for some time, the men taunted her husband, ‘He must be wishing she isn’t found!’ But the ladies too have opportunities to settle the scores. When the husband is ‘over the hill’, they tell their female friends and relatives, ‘He can’t stray even if he wants to. So, I am safe.’
However, there is a type of murder committed by ladies which men look forward to – the Qatal done with hypnotic kohl lined eyes!
Jas Kohli is a noted humour writer. He is the author of three bestselling humour novels, ‘Lights! Wedding! Ludhiana!’, ‘Lights! Scalpel! Romance!’, and ‘Anything to Look Hot’.