Forgiveness is one of the greatest acts of human character. Sometimes, forgiveness can change the most negative of situations into something positive. Forgiveness can change a stalemate of ego and anger into one of openness and reconciliation; it moves things that are stuck forward. Forgiveness can release long-held pain. Sometimes, memories of the past just sit stuck in the mind – forgiveness is like a release valve that allows the flow of love again. Forgiveness is the greatest act of courage and humility on our spiritual journey.
In our world made up of 8 billion souls, we can understand that each one carries the weight of their history, individually or collectively. The weight of our past, our family, culture, community, or religious group is carried inside. Anger, hurt, and resentment sit like huge shadows over this world, preventing us all from moving forward.
How can we let go of the past and create a new life? Forgiveness and reconciliation are the keys. We have all been wronged, or borne the brunt of injustice, or were falsely accused and had our trust broken, but in a life of spirituality we can step back and observe what is really going on. When we are able to forgive, we feel instinctively that it is the right thing to do. There is a feeling of self-respect when we are able to forgive, and yet, on the other hand, when we are not able to—there is such a depth of anger and hurt that it burns us inside. How uncomfortable this is. It is as though we are punishing ourselves—even though it is projected towards the other. We can justify it all – but ultimately, the one who is suffering is the self. When we realise this, we start to explore strategies to reduce the feeling of hurt. Forgiveness is the great release valve that enables me to move on. We need to make the decision that I am going to stop punishing my own self, for real or even imagined wrongs. Things do happen, but sometimes the wrong I am punishing myself for is simply a creation of my own thinking. I must stop and think – do I want a life of bitterness and resentment or of peace and wellbeing? It is a decision about the quality of life – that I want to live in peace. With forgiveness, I have the methodology to settle, resolve, and heal my story of the past.
Is it easy to forgive? Of course not. For some, the hurt and pain is so deep that to forgive seems like a condonement of unspeakable acts. But in the act of forgiveness, not only do we free ourselves but also release the other, who will be carrying an enormous, unacknowledged weight of guilt. It is like severing a thick chain of suffering, and the result is a lightness and wonderful freedom. Forgiveness is like cancelling all the conditions in my mind that block the free flow of love and happiness. Each time I cannot forgive, I suppress my love. Nothing is healthier, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, than when I express this true feeling of love.
We often hear the phrase, ‘forgive and forget’ – but even if it is possible to find the courage and humility to forgive, it is not always possible to forget. We can forgive, but the memory will still be there. Over time though, it becomes less and less vivid. Spiritually, the accounts are being settled. This is an essential part of the spiritual journey – forgive, let go, and move on. The strength to do this depends entirely on how close I feel to God, the Supreme Soul. A living, loving relationship with the Supreme, who is a real and loving being, is the essential element in my ability to forgive. In meditation, I develop this relationship, and I become a lot softer and gentler. Because I feel loved and close to God, my whole attitude begins to shift and I can see in a different way. It is, in a sense, one way of describing a spiritual journey. A spiritual journey means I have such a deep relationship with God that I am finishing, clearing, and healing the past. One of the most powerful influences on my life and spiritual journey is to be forgiving and being forgiven.
Charlie Hogg, based in Sydney, is the National Coordinator, Brahma Kumaris, Australia.