The power of accepting and rejecting


In the study of Rajyoga, humility is seen as a state of self-respect. This may be a new concept for people who have previously thought that humility meant accepting everything and anything, whether it made them comfortable or not.
How can we define acceptance? Perhaps it is about being at peace with circumstances, people, and feelings, a place where we can be calm and not have unnecessary thoughts about it—”It is what it is,” as they say, or if thinking of the past, “It was what it was.” The past itself cannot be changed. However, my beliefs about the past can be changed. There really is no need for judgments. Thinking, ‘Why did that happen?’ or ‘It should have been like this’ or ‘Why were they like that and not like this?’, only shows resistance to accepting the reality. We come to understand that it is simply a choice to accept, or equally reject, old, no-longer-necessary beliefs about a whole range of ideas, attitudes, and understandings. In reality, whatever we experience is all our own creation, and no-one else’s ‘fault’. Thoughts are very powerful. To change our beliefs or attitude, we need to change our thoughts, that is, our perception. In other words, to reframe what happened through a new lens.
Rejection may sound negative, but actually it does not need to be. We can reject an old, outdated way of thinking about ourselves, a situation, or a person, and then have the space to accept a new way of seeing what the self, the situation, or person is, or could become. Equally, we do not need to accept everything that comes our way.
But when we blame other people or situations, we put ourselves in a subordinate position; one where we can feel victimised, and we have no sense of control. When someone is verbally rude to us, for example, or criticises us, then our sense of self-esteem can get distorted and we may become confused. There are questions we can consider when this happens.
l Do I accept it?
l Is it true?
l Should I ignore it, or say something?
l Why are they so rude?
l Why me?
l Why don’t they stop?/change?/go away?/ find someone else?
l What is the message for me in this?
So, we may accept or reject their criticism. If we are still getting drawn to it hours later or the next day, then we can understand that we are still confused and upset. Then what is needed is powerful good wishes for the one who criticised us.
If it is difficult to do, then we know that we have not yet forgiven the person. With humility, though, we can send good wishes, and we will find that there is improvement in the relationship, just through the management of our thoughts.
Gopi Elton is a writer and retired health professional and is based at the Brahma Kumaris Retreat Centre in the Blue Mountains, Australia.