“Selfishness is a fake attempt to be happy with yourself”
We all want what we call harmony. What we usually mean by that, is that we want things to work well, that our relationships hold no conflict, that nothing causes a problem to cause trouble within those relationships. Selfishness has no place in the creation of harmony.
If we draw an analogy with a group of musicians, in a jam session, harmony is only achievable by listening attentively to what each one is playing. In this way we can work out what our contribution can be to make the music beautiful and flow. We have to know what key people are playing in, so we know what notes to play. There is no place for a selfish musician in a jam session, no place for showing off, trying to perform a solo performance in the midst of the improvisation. That only leads to discord. The word ‘harmony’ is derived from Harmonia, who was the Greek goddess of harmony, and it means ‘to join together in agreement’.
So, how do we create this harmony? First, we must recognise what we all have in common. Use that as a base, and use our own ability to play along. Differences must be accepted so that we can connect with others using our commonalities. Within a group of people, be it at work or at home, there will be many different approaches to dealing with life. Some will be pragmatists, some will be dreamers, some will be action-oriented. If the desire for a good outcome is sincere and there is the least possible selfishness in motivations, the commonalities will outweigh the differences.
The first foundation for harmony is love. There needs to be a love-full, benevolent attitude towards one another. Most of us want to get along with each other. No-one likes disharmony over a long period of time. It is when we are closer to our original self that we can harmonise with others. Our original self, the soul in its purest state here in the physical world, is of peace, love, happiness, truth, and purity. If we are making the right spiritual endeavour to return to this original state of being, there is no need to worry about creating harmony; it will simply flow. If we are consciously making effort to have harmony, it causes tension. It is by becoming closer to our natural state that we create natural harmony.
Relationships are dynamic, not static, they change over time. Harmony is impossible if I do not relate with others. Staying quietly distant is not harmonising. Communication is the way to harmony. We need to speak and listen. We need to speak clearly, honestly, and respectfully and when listening we need to be attentive, have an open mind, and be genuinely curious. Harmony is not to homogenise. Harmony is to allow diversity, share commonalities, and respect the way others do things.
The second foundation of harmony is contentment. If I work on being more content with myself and less judgemental, recognise what I have to share that is good and what is not useful, I can calm the inner turbulence that makes harmonising with others difficult. As I move towards inner contentment, I allow for my own weaknesses, and no longer hide them from myself, nor subject others to them. I can then have true loving feelings for others because I have them for myself. I recognise the way I am loved by God and that God loves all others in the same way, so I can generate love for others on this basis. I can be attentive to what is happening in the moment. Everywhere real people are in real situations and going through real stuff. I can help by spending each day in a simple, uncomplicated, state of mind so that I can respond with authenticity. In fact, everything is much simpler than it appears. At the root, everyone has a role to play, and I must concentrate on playing my own role in the very best way I can. I can generate pure feelings and good wishes, stay close to the original qualities we all have in common of, peace, love, happiness, truth, and purity, respect the right of each one to be here, take nothing personally, and allow for all the diversity that makes up creation. Harmony within, at this level, has enough power to make an extraordinary impact.
Ken O’Donnell is an author and the director of Brahma Kumaris’ services in South America.