Let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit’
– Kahlil Gibran
Friendship is often seen as the most holy of relationships. A true friendship has a purity of intention and if we can make life our friend, then we will develop a trust, an intimacy, and a deep enjoyment of everything that life, our friend, brings to us. Other analogies of life – a school where we learn lessons, a battlefield where we have to defeat an inner enemy, a drama with the self as the main character – are also powerful analogies, but nothing is as sweet as a friendship.
On a spiritual journey there are three stages we can relate to. These stages are not steps that take us upwards – they are states of mind and can be all experienced in one day or maybe even in five minutes, but ultimately stage three is the fulfilment of the purpose of humanity – that we awaken to that stage of being.
1. The victim stage: Why is this happening to me? Why me? – when we are spiritually progressing, we can measure our progress by how quickly we move from this state of mind to the next stage.
2. Life is happening not to me, but for me. It is a perfectly designed set of circumstances for me to grow. This is not the highest stage but I am no longer reacting. I am trying to understand what I need to learn.
3. Life is not happening for me – it is happening through me! This is the highest stage – the creator stage. The state of mind where I have all that I need. I no longer need to learn something – I am simply expressing who I genuinely am.
This is when life becomes exhilarating, fun, as I watch how life responds to my every thought and signals what I need to do at any moment. I live in a state of awareness. What is it that stands in the way of being constantly in stage three – of being able to express our spiritual essence as purely as we can, through the roles we play, as best we can – for true self-expression? The ego.
Carl Jung said: ‘The spiritual journey is not a career or a success story. It is a series of small humiliations of the false self that become more and more profound.’
Humiliation comes from the ego. What is the ego? It is an attachment to a false belief or image of myself. This sense of self has many layers, based on all the beliefs we have acquired through lifetimes. It is a mental narrative of who we are. To awaken means to recognise that the thoughts in my head and the emotions based on those thoughts are not who I am. Underneath all that there is a vast consciousness – a presence, a live consciousness. Ego has hijacked our consciousness.
The spiritual journey is to regain and live in the awareness of consciousness, without the ego interfering. We can check each day where the ego is telling us lies, and keep returning to a state of calm. The more we play this checking and resetting game, the more enjoyable it becomes.
It is then that we can see life as a real friend, showing us the way. The wonder of all of this is that once we connect to the real self, the inner silence, we connect with a higher power. God is real. God is our true friend. If our mind is quiet, we can feel God so close. The wisdom I gain then comes from a source within me, in my state of awareness, but also from beyond me, from the Supreme Consciousness.
Jillian Sawers is a professional self-development trainer and has a YouTube channel called ’The Department of Silence’. She is based in Mount Abu, Rajasthan, at the headquarters of the Brahma Kumaris.