Father’s day is coming up on June 15, 2025. A father is an unsung hero, who toils quietly, 24×7 for his progeny. A lot is expressed about mothers and their sacrifices. But very little is said about all that fathers do for us. We believe in the maxim of ‘Matru Devo Bhava, Pitru Devo Bhava.’ This translates to ‘Revere your mother as God, Revere your father as God.’ The mother has been accorded the first place of reverence, no doubt. But the father’s place is just marginally behind. A father and a mother are like the two front wheels of a car.
Their working in tandem and staying in balance keeps the family rolling and surging ahead steadily. If we obey our father, we learn numerous life skills by the mantra of obedience. A father’s strictness, streamlines obedience. And if we obey our father, the chances are that our children too shall obey us. If we respect our father, our children observe us and they too learn that they should respect their father. A father is the one who may rebuke us but shelters us from the blows of the world. A father is perhaps the only one who is happy and proud when our foot size equals or exceeds his own or if his progeny is taller than him, does more business, has more friends, is more successful than him … because in our growth he sees himself.
He looks upon his progeny as an extension of himself. The progenitor feels fulfilled when his progeny flowers and blooms. Selflessness is his signature. There is a saying in Punjabi: ‘Sau daaru, te ek gheo. Chaali chache, ek peo.’ Meaning- ‘Consumption of pure ghee is more beneficial than consuming a hundred medicines. A father can do more for his child than what forty uncles put together can do.’ This is true! A father can do what no other can. He is the one who provides that secure sense of protection. I grew up in awe of my father. His mere physical presence in the house, was enough to put my siblings and I, on our best behaviour. He did not have to spell out discipline.
Discipline was what he embodied, exuded and demanded by just being himself. I doubt if he ever cuddled us. I guess that generation was not so expressive. His way of showing love was different. It was just reassuring to have him around. Just like the Sun … his warmth made life comfortable. I was scared of him and never had a one-on-one conversation with him. It was only after I turned forty perhaps, that I was able to converse with him. It is said that the greatest learnings are at the feet of an elder. I have experienced the truth in this, firsthand. Sometimes I think that our parents’ generation had experienced the turmoil of the partition of India as teenagers and that made them serious, mature and worldly wise too early on in life.
My father was thirteen when the partition happened. He remembered crossing the border and living in a refugee camp at Ferozepur for months till they were allotted a bungalow in lieu of all that they had left behind in Pakistan. One generation down, in the early years of my marriage I saw my husband cuddling and playing with our children. He enjoyed playing cricket with them as much as they did. I guess it was a generational thing. Sunday was called ‘Papa’s day’.
Our children would complete their homework and pack their school bags by Saturday evening so that, not an ounce of Papa’s day would be used up in anything other than Papa. Now our children are grown. I observe that their Papa has taken on the role of a mentor, friend and confidante. They discuss work with him. I also observe our children talk to their babies and counsel them just as their dad did when they were babies. It is amazing how they emulate their father. I feel like I am seeing the same story … rewind and replay. A father may not say much. But his children observe him and follow him unconsciously. Besides the worldly father, we have an eternal father. Each of us may have their own perspective about God. We may have our own kind of relationship with him. God may be looked up to as a father, mother, friend or guide.
Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba has been my God and Guru. I look up to him as a father whose ring of protection pans this world and beyond. My father had a poster on the wall in his office. It had a saying of Baba, “Follow the master (Dharma -do your duty), Face the devil (Artha – be wary of the attraction of worldly possessions), Fight to the end (Kama – fight till the last desire is overcome), Finish the game (Moksha – attain the goal of life). From my divine father I learnt that practical spirituality can be a part of our outlook, thoughts, words and deeds. It is not just about prayers and meditation in seclusion and reclusion. Practical spirituality can be a part of our day to day life. My earthly father, showed this by example. It is ten years since my physical father passed on.
After his passing I felt a huge void, like someone had pulled away the umbrella from above me. I finally followed his example of surrendering to Baba, even more deeply and found solace in that. Whenever I do something I try to test it on this touchstone, ‘Will it be approved by Baba? Would it make him proud of me?’ If the answer is yes, I go ahead with it. Sooner or later each one of us loses our physical father. But the eternal father is always there, he waits patiently for us to realise his presence and his eternal love. Once we are able to palpate his benevolence, each day can be celebrated as Father’s Day! Have a wonderful Father’s Day!
