Bol Tiger Bol

An open letter from a tiger, the vassal king of the jungle, who rules over a part of Ranthambore National Park (under the overall authority of homo sapiens) Dear Indians. Should I fold my front paws to thank you for your support for tiger conservation? I am not sure. In fact, you are only atoning […]

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Bol Tiger Bol

An open letter from a tiger, the vassal king of the jungle, who rules over a part of Ranthambore National Park (under the overall authority of homo sapiens)

Dear Indians. Should I fold my front paws to thank you for your support for tiger conservation? I am not sure. In fact, you are only atoning for the sins of your ancestors who got cheap thrills by hunting my ancestors. Shooting at a tiger while sitting atop a jumbo is no bravery. Agar apni maan ka doodh piya hai or even if you had baby formula- come for an unarmed one-to-one combat with me. I am sure even the men named ‘double lion’ (Sher Singh) would turn into ‘a rat on the run from a cat’ at the prospect of such a contest.

In fact, your name will become more distinctive if you prefix tiger to it (e.g. Tiger Balwaan Singh). I can easily win against a lion in a one-to-one fight. If in doubt, ask Google Aunty. Also, I am a better looker than a lion- it only has a mane as a saving grace. Look at my stripes- I think God utilized celestial artists to create me. But I am jealous of lions’ lifestyle. They live in prides which include multiple lionesses. As for me, finding my lady love in this huge forest is as complicated as a Bear Grylls expedition. The lion cubs have many aunts to care for them besides their parents while a tigress has to do all the parenting by herself. I do admit- tigers aren’t good fathers.
The general public is exhorted to save tigers for the sake of the rivers which originate from tiger habitats. This perplexes me. Is vested interest the actual reason for the mollycoddling of tigers? Also, our contribution to the Indian economy is largely untrumpeted. Big bucks are generated via tiger safaris. I have also developed some traits of humans- I get a kick out of a click as well as gratification after social media dissemination. When I am sighted by tourists who are in a safari vehicle, mostly I act as decent as an antelope. Sometimes I am in a bad mood, especially after losing a fight with a tiger over zoru or zameen (tigress or territory). Then I charge at the jeep. This makes the tourists scream and I get a thrill out of this. But I always stop short of the actual assault. I am aware that if I get declared as a man eater, my days will be numbered.

Sometimes I wish I was a vegetarian. Then I wouldn’t have to kill cute animals like deer to fill my belly. But a vegetarian tiger would be taken for granted by everyone. Finding prey isn’t as easy as it seems on wildlife television channels. The ever vigilant langurs alarm the forest creatures with their calls whenever I move to a new area. They also tease me by inviting me to their treetop homes.

So many products and services utilize tiger’s name and/or its image. It is high time that royalty was paid for this to the tigers. I could use the money to set up a Tiger Welfare Fund. I promise I would embezzle only a minor proportion of it- most of it would be used for the betterment of tigers.
Don’t despair if you don’t sight any tiger during a tiger safari. On some days, especially when our belly is full, laziness takes over! Also, there is much more to a forest than ‘the big cat with a swag’!