In our society, people pray, organize ‘pooja’ and ‘hawan’ so that a son is born to them.
For many of them, the “logic” behind this is the age-old belief that only sons can light the pyres of their parents. Daughters, however, are not “allowed” to perform or for that matter, participate in the last rites of their parents, as per Hindu tradition.
It is believed that if a female lights the funeral pyre, the deceased won’t attain ‘moksha’ and would be stuck in a cycle of rebirths. For this very reason, daughters are often not even allowed entry in their own parents’ funeral.
This custom, denying daughters to witness the last rites of parents, surely gives rise to a number of arguments which need to be looked at in order to comprehend whether this custom has any logical standing or is just another example of patriarchal injustice against females.
The internet is no short of bizarre theories that support this custom or consider it “logical”. It is vital to look at some of these theories to see if there’s actually a rationale behind this age-old, gender biased practice.
The very prominent and foremost theory that comes into picture is that women are faint-hearted. The burning pyre being a difficult sight to witness, with the body burning and often curling up in flames, might be beyond the bearing capacity of women.
Weakness and strength are subjective concepts. Putting women in the category of
‘feeble’ and ‘faint-hearted’, while their male counterparts are considered ‘bold’ enough to carry out the funeral rites, is nothing but just another societal stereotype. In cases where such circumstances arise and the female feels comfortable enough to perform the last rites, the choice should be left to her instead of the society deciding that for her.
Second, the traditions and gender roles play a crucial role in deciding what a woman can and can not do. Women, being the “care-takers”, are expected to stay back and take care of the family and household while the males return after performing the last rites.
This is nothing but a classic example of how women are always caged in these gender roles and the society’s acceptance of these as “normal” just because they’ve been in practice for a long time, makes it all the more difficult for them to escape from it.
These gender roles do no good and have been rendering the women devoid of their rights for centuries.
Third, the negative energy in the crematorium premises is also considered a major deterrent in allowing women to participate in or perform the last rites of their family members. Since a daughter can’t shave off her head like her male counterpart on the death of her father, she is not allowed to perform the last rites because apparently, dark, long hair would “attract” ghosts and similar negative energy. It is widely believed that a crematorium is surrounded by evil and females are more susceptible to bringing back spirits and evil energy from the incineration process.
Fourth, the right to light the funeral pyre is hugely influenced by the inheritance rights. In the ancient era, a male was seen as the successor of his father’s throne and estate. Though this custom has undergone changes in the last few decades, the rights of inheritance are still associated with the right to perform the last rites. It was believed that the one who inherits the property of the deceased is supposed to lead the funeral procession as the ‘Karta’. In the set beliefs of the past, it is seldom questioned when a male relative of the “superior” gender is given rights to light the pyre instead of the deceased’s own daughter or wife.
Finally, another concept of attainment of nirvana comes into picture. It was a popular belief in the old times that a son is the bridge between birth and death. Hindu tradition reckons that once mortal life comes to an end, liberation from the cycle of birth and death is vital to attain eternal bliss. People stood by the fact that if a girl performed the last rites, it won’t be possible for the deceased to break free from this vicious cycle.
These age-old, baseless traditions have been passed on to us through generations and it’s stupefying how people still believe in these ostensible facts when they clearly lack any credibility or logic.
In contradiction to these theories, Hindu priests and religious scholars have stated that there was no “ban” in the scriptures, preventing women from visiting a crematorium or performing the last rites of their relatives.
Bhagwan Dutt Pathak, a retired professor of Sanskrit, says the reasons were perhaps more mundane, that women mostly stayed at home and did the chores while men worked outdoors and took on anything that involved heavy-lifting.
Prof. Kaushalendra Pandey, who teaches Sanskrit literature at the Banaras Hindu University, says that there exist references in ancient texts of wives performing the last rites if a man died without leaving behind a son, daughter or male relative such as a brother. Even daughters, he says, had the right to perform the last rites. He also said that “the ancient Hindu society was very liberal and women enjoyed tremendous freedoms. Conservatism came as a reaction to other religions, first to Buddhism, and then to Christianity and Islam”.
Manoj Kumar Pandey, a priest specializing in funeral rites, says the current belief that the funeral pyre should only be lit by the eldest son is rooted in the Garuda Purana, a Hindu religious text, believed to be at least a thousand years old, dealing with funeral rites. The book, though silent on the role of females, neither forbids nor vocally supports their participation in funeral rituals.
Even though there is no fixed stand on this till date, the recent times have seen numerous women defy this patriarchal norm and perform the last rites of their loved ones.
Indian actress and TV presenter Mandira Bedi recently hit the headlines for performing her husband’s last rites. Though it caused great unease among the conservative Indians, she won praise for standing up to patriarchy even while grieving.
Popular author and columnist, Shobhaa De, wrote that this act challenged the archaic norms governing our society for centuries and sent out a charged and powerful message of anti-patriarchy. The shackles caging women broke as the flames from the pyre touched the sky.
During the pandemic too, there were many instances where wives or daughters were seen performing the last rites- sometimes because male family members had perished or were themselves infected with the virus or were unable to travel due to the lockdown and travel restrictions.
Women are questioning every orthodox belief that stands in the way of their rights and are constantly paving the path for greater equality. In many families, except the typically conservative ones, only the son performing the last rites has become a thing of the past. In many instances, both the son and daughter or at times, only the daughter can be seen carrying out the cremation. Some stellar examples follow, proving that women no longer conform to the patriarchal norms imposed upon them. Rather, they question and challenge them at each stage, ensuring an equal right for themselves as their male counterparts.
In 2019, Smriti Irani was lauded when she turned pallbearer for her aide in Amethi and this act was labelled as an act of women empowerment.
Namita Kaul, foster daughter of former Prime Minister Atal Bihari Vajpayee, performed his last rites in August 2018. Her act not only sent across a strong message to the gender biased society but also hit the headlines for it was “against” the Hindu rituals.
Mallika Sarabhai paid tribute to her mother, Padma Shree awardee, Mrinalini Sarabhai, as she danced in front of her body at Darpan Academy and lit the funeral pyre of her mother along with her brother Kartikeya.
A member of the Maharashtra Legislative Assembly, Pankaja Munde, cremated her father Gopinath Munde in June 2014. Through this act, she sparked a debate on the
reconsideration of gender inequality prevalent in our society. Even though she was not the first woman to perform the last rites of her kin, her act sent a stronger message because of her political background.
Apart from these, there have been countless instances where ordinary women have performed the last rites of their family members and have taken up roles same as their male counterparts. There have been reports from cities including Indore, Bhopal and
Ahmedabad, wherein, despite the relatives’ resentment, the daughters were adamant in their decision and performed the last rites of their father.
In the case of Goolrokh M. Gupta v. Burjor Pardiwala (Dead) and Others, the petitioner, Goolrokh M. Gupta was a Parsi-Zoroastrian who married a Hindu. Goolrokh contended that even after her marriage, she continued to follow
Zoroastrianism, and therefore, had the right to enjoy all privileges under the religion, including the right to offer prayers at Agiari and a tower of silence for funeral. The Supreme Court initially gave time to the trustees of Parsi Anjuman, Valsad in Gujarat, to reconsider its earlier decision of denying permission to Parsi women who married outside their religion, to perform the last rites of their parents.
The Bench reasoned that for a daughter, it is an emotional occasion to perform the last rites of her parents, and therefore, one can not possibly deny her the right and freedom to perform the last rites. The then CJI suggested that the respondents be less set in their ways and be sensitive towards the situation.
Goolrokh further contended that if a male Parsi-Zoroastrian marries a non-Parsi or a non-Zoroastrian female, he continues to enjoy all the rights, whereas if a female
Parsi Zoroastrian marries a non-Parsi or a non-Zoroastrian male, such rights are not recognised or permitted by the respondents. She alleged the trust practised discrimination, violating Articles 14 and 25 of the Constitution.
The petitioner also emphasised that there is nothing in the Zoroastrian religion or scriptures which denies any Parsi-Zoroastrian woman, married to non-Parsi or nonZoroastrian, her rights.
The petitioner, apprehending that in the event of demise of any of her parents, she would be denied her rights, first approached the Gujarat high court which held that a woman’s decision as to which religion she follows is dependent upon the religion of her father, and after her marriage, on that of her husband.
Goolrokh submitted before the Supreme Court that the High Court’s rationale is based on the ancient feudal notion of women being regarded as chattels. Despite the clear legal position favouring her, the High Court committed a grave error by forbidding her from freely practicing her religion, which is deeply misogynist and hampers women’s empowerment.
In 2017, the Supreme Court overruled the Gujarat High Court verdict found in favour of a customary law which prevented the plaintiff, Goolrokh, from visiting the tower of
silence to perform her father’s last rites, as she had married a non-Zoroastrian. The Supreme Court directed the fire temple in Valsad, Gujarat, to allow her entry and stated, “DNA does not evaporate” after marrying outside a religion.
As mentioned earlier, the significance of a male relative performing the last rites in Hinduism comes from the ancient text of Garuda Purana. The purana insists on the importance of performance of last rites by the eldest son but nowhere mentions the role of daughters. Although some scholars have noted that there is no express prohibition regarding the performance of these rites by the daughter.
In everyday life, the prohibition on daughters is framed in terms of kinship. Once a daughter is “given away” in marriage, she is no longer seen as part of the family. But, even when she is unmarried or without a brother, tradition has favoured other male relatives, however distant, on the grounds that key religious duties must remain exclusively, a masculine domain.
Such notions, however, are slowly eroding in the face of the realities of modern life.
Daughters have taken on many of the same roles as sons, with the average middleclass family strewn with numerous examples of daughters who become the bulwark for the parents, especially in old age and sickness, a role that again was once reserved for the son.
Looking at the changing and more gender-neutral roles in today’s times, it is necessary to recognise that females possess an equal right to perform and participate in the last rites of their parents and whether or not they want to be a part of the funeral procession, is a matter of choice and the power to make that choice should only vest in the women. It is high time and there is an indispensable need to let go off stereotypical and patriarchal norms that bind and cage women, depriving them of their rights. The recent incident of Coonoor Chopper Crash, the last rites of the CDS Rawath and his wife Madhulika was performed by their two surviving daughters; also of Brig. Lidder was performed by his only daughter. This is covered and highlighted by the media. Performance of last rites by women is at the verge of acceptance by the society as a whole.
In a society that went from letting women enjoy certain rights to rendering them devoid of any rights, walking on the path of transformation, the debate for the equal rights of males and females is ceaseless. Each day brings about a new struggle for obtaining and securing these rights. Even though the change has been gradual, it would be unfair to say that the situation has not changed for the better in contemporary times and it is the relentless efforts of those who refuse to sit back and accept patriarchy that continue to pave the road further.
Indian actress and TV presenter Mandira Bedi recently hit the headlines for performing her husband’s last rites. Though it caused great unease among the conservative Indians, she won praise for standing up to patriarchy even while grieving.
Popular author and columnist, Shobhaa De, wrote that this act challenged the archaic norms governing our society for centuries and sent out a charged and powerful message of anti-patriarchy. The shackles caging women broke as the flames from the pyre touched the sky.