What do we value more – money, or a peaceful life? What is more important to us – our ego, or happy relationships?
Ego is the seed of many a conflict in the world. It has broken countless families – it produces anger, hurts others’ feelings, and damages relationships. One of the most subtle forms of ego is the feeling that ‘I know better’. We may not say it out aloud, but affirm it in the mind, and interact with others with this conviction. This makes us arrogant and insensitive or unreceptive to other people’s ideas, concerns, and feelings, which can lead to misunderstandings and worse.
We may know better, but when both the persons involved in an argument remain adamant that they are right, it creates tension in their relationship, which can develop into fissures. However much we may know, or have achieved, we can aim to be humble and polite – it will earn us a lot of blessings and keep our relationships harmonious.
It is good to be smart, but it is even better to be wise. When two intelligent people clash over an issue, it is sensible for one of them to accommodate the other’s point of view to restore peace. To do so is not a defeat; instead it shows a large heart, a broad mind, and greater maturity.
The problem is that most people want others to change. They think life would be better if their boss changes, their neighbour changes… the politicians, bureaucrats, and corporations change. They never think about changing their own way of thinking. We need to introspect and see where we are going wrong… what are the harmful habits and tendencies we have developed.
This change can begin with our attitude. Many people tend to have negative attitudes towards others. We label and categorise people according to their real or perceived faults, usually ignoring their good qualities. Our attitude influences our behaviour, often without our knowledge, and that in turn elicits a like response from others. This is how we start a mutual exchange of bad feelings.
Secondly, we need to pay attention to the way we speak. Even the best advice, if given at the wrong time, in harsh words, can have the opposite effect. On the other hand, if words are used in the right manner, at the right time, according to the other person’s state of mind, the results can be amazing.
Then, we can improve the quality of our thoughts. Instead of habitually thinking of worst case scenarios and agonising over them, we can consciously develop the habit of visualising the best possible outcome in every situation. Regardless of what actually happens, thinking in this way keeps our mind positive, which helps us deal with all variety of circumstances.
Another change we can bring is in our nature. Some people are very sensitive, and easily get upset. This is the result of a weak mind, which tends to make negative assumptions. We need to make ourselves stronger, so that nothing affects us. Faith in the benevolence of God, the Supreme Father, and a firm belief in the karmic law that good deeds ultimately bring good returns, help in this.
Easily getting irritated is another tendency that does great harm. The antidote to this is to develop an easy-going nature. Looking at people and situations with more tolerance, patience, and some sense of humour helps to keep us light and easy. When we remain easy, problems are easily resolved, tasks are accomplished likewise, and relationships become easy. Our approach encourages a similar response from others and helps to create an atmosphere that puts everyone at ease, free from unnecessary complications.
In addition to the above attitudinal and behavioural changes, if we are willing to live by certain spiritual principles, life becomes enjoyable and success is attained without too much effort.
B.K. Surya is a Rajyoga teacher at the Brahma Kumaris headquarters in Mount Abu, Rajasthan.