When a young child grows up in unsafe circumstances and is not fully welcome, then insecurity is normal and a child gets used to it. A young child always attaches to (a) parent(s), even when circumstances are unsafe. Then ‘unsafety’ is the comfort zone and normal for a child. An impactful event during childhood has a direct relationship with chronic diseases at a later age.
Rejection gives the greatest pain. As a result, the child is unable to access real feelings. When pain is too big to handle in an unsafe situation; when a child is unseen, unheard, not supported in their needs, this impactful situation is transferred to the subconscious mind and survival mechanisms are needed. There is a big difference between survival and living a healthy life. Human beings have three survival mechanisms: fight, flight or freeze. To prevent being rejected, the child often rejects others, becomes angry, bossy, and anxious, is fearful and feels powerless.
Chronic diseases are psychosomatic, which means that the body asks for attention to a deeper cause in the self. The body has a 24-hour relationship and communication with the soul (thinking, memory and emotions). Body and soul are the best friends when in balance, or the worst enemies when there is chronic stress or unresolved pain.
The body grows and exists in relationship with the environment: circumstances, culture, parents, teachers, friends, physical, mental and emotional food have an impact on physical health. Impactful situations break the connection and awareness of the body with the inner soul. Because of feeling rejected, the basic subconscious assumption of a child, based on what they have learned, is: ‘nobody loves me, or, I am not worthy, something is wrong with me’.
In holistic medical treatment, coming home to yourself has a central role. Recognition of the journey of survival up until now and making contact with the desire of the heart (to feel loved and safe) are the golden keys. The adult or child learns how to say ‘yes’ to the present, even if the present is painful and unpleasant. The second step is to take a risk and dare to not know certain things and learn something new. We use deep breathing and meditation to rebuild contact with old emotional pain that is stored in the body. Healing means feeling all the pain, loss, sadness and loneliness that had been stored in childhood because all that was needed so much as a child was not available.
When contact between body and soul is restored, the body begins to increase the self-healing capacity. When we heal ourselves of the old inner wounds, scars remain, which is much easier to live with than open wounds and chronic diseases.
The body possesses tremendous power and wisdom. It gives us messages through physical complaints and chronic diseases as to what is needed in our life. Learning to listen to those messages brings miracles for physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health. We can heal ourselves. Healing creates a healthy relationship with ourselves and with each other.
Dr Judith M. Kocken MD, PhD, is a paediatrician and a paediatric gastroenterologist. A pioneer in holistic healthcare, she studies and practises Rajyoga with the Brahma Kumaris in The Netherlands.