Remember how some kids used to bully you in school or college or that nasty colleague in your previous workplace… You would wonder what you have done to deserve this and why they would pick on you only when you had done nothing to please or displease them. Your analysis later revealed that you were perhaps the most vulnerable and seemingly easy prey in the eyes of these (predator) bullies.
Rape is bullying of the worst order. Often the act of rape is not driven primarily by sexual desire as much as the need to exert power and control over another person. Perpetrators use violence to dominate, humiliate, or degrade their victims, often stemming from their own feelings of inadequacy, anger, or resentment.
What would you tell your teenage version about how to deal with those bullies then. Put him in the right place by awarding a few punches or escalate the matter to higher authorities like the principal, the teacher or parent, right? But what happens if there is no way to address the bully in the system? That is exactly why the RG Kar type of incidents happen in the first place- there is no fear of facing consequences due to weak legal systems, societal silence, and an ecosystem where there is lack of support for victims. In fact we as a society almost end up blaming and shaming the victim rather than the perpetrator of the crime.
Look at the history of sex crimes in India and it has only gone from bad to worse. In 2012, this was in Delhi and they named her Nirbhaya. In 2017 they didn’t just rape her, they hung her on a tree. This was in Unnao and they named her Nirbhaya 2. In 2019 they didn’t just rape her, they burnt her alive. This was in Hyderabad and they named her Nirbhaya 3. And now they brutally raped and killed a resident doctor. over 21 cases of violent rape have been reported in India within the last 10 days. And all we are doing is burning candles, blackening our DP (display picture), commenting on a few facebook pages.
The point is unless there is a tangible action plan, it will be status quo. We will move on without action and change. No laws will change. Society will not change. More such incidents will happen. There is no other way but to have a fear of the whip now. Often it’s not the severity of the punishment but the certainty of it that will act as a deterrent for the criminals.
It’s high time for the government to pass a bill for immediate punishment for rapists. That should set a precedent and send a message for rapists and potential rapists. When currency can be changed overnight, when special session can be called to increase the salary of politicians, when Parliament can remain open all night for trust votes, wondering what is delaying to pass a stringent law against rape.
Rape is more of a “recreational crime” for men. It can be easily stopped if there is a deterrent. Such ghastly episodes cannot and should not be repeated in a civilized society. But we need to learn some lessons- as men, as women, as a society.
Men need to take a strong stand against men who indulge in loose talk against any and every woman. Often cultural attitudes such as misogyny, patriarchy, can in a subtle and almost invisible way, tend to normalize violence against women where such behaviour is tolerated or even encouraged. A male politician saying “Boys will be boys” sends the message that men can go around like “khula saand’ – be shaped by the wind and the weather while all rules of morality, ethics and propriety are attached to women. These kinds of cultural attitudes have no place in modern Indian society. Every individual, agnostic of gender, is responsible for their actions and answerable for them.
What can women do differently?
As women we need to have each other’s back and support each other. How many women say that they prefer a male boss to a female boss? Women having catfights, always being critical of one another does more harm than good in creating divisiveness. Remember, united we stand, divided we fall. As women, we need to raise good kids- boys who can respect women but also girls who can be cheerleaders for other women. Besides, women are blessed with gut instinct and power of intuition. Nurture that gift and educate your intuition. Most criminals lie in close quarters and vicinity. Make a mental note of people who act abnormal – those with an underlying psychological issue or disorder, such as antisocial personality disorder, psychopathy. Be alert and aware of your surroundings and notice the body language of people carefully. Often words can lie, but body lingo gives away many cues as to what is going on in the mind of individuals.
As a society we need to give a sense of security to everyone but especially women who are the essential building blocks of a society. Today a woman, whether she is 6- or 60-year-old, feels unsafe. Giving women a genuine sense of security involves more than just improving policing or enacting stricter laws; it requires a fundamental cultural shift that respects women’s autonomy, freedom, and rights. Only when society collectively addresses the complexities of this issue will women genuinely feel secure and equal. From Fear to Freedom, we need a new vision for women’s safety.