The widespread belief is that Covid only affects the person testing positive but in reality, it actually hits the household! Covid affects you physiologically but it has a far wider-reaching impact on your identity, family life, social wellbeing, professionalism, financial stability and mental health.
Questions & fears
Fear stems from the many unknowns that strike simultaneously. First, there’s the initial shock of testing positive. You’d followed every safety guideline then how could this have happened to you? What did you do wrong? Why you? Contact tracing feels equally overwhelming as you question who did you contract it from? Where? Outside and inside the home, at work, travel—who did you infect? Do you have children? How old? What about elderly parents? Do they have comorbidities?
Suddenly the realisation that you might have jeopardised many lives leaves a bitter taste but the certainty that you have put your family’s health at risk makes you utterly miserable. You’re unable to face them. What do you say? How could you let it happen? The mundaneness of the illness feels annoying. You’ve experienced the common cold, cough, throat pain, fever multiple times before. How can something so insignificant become fatal? Initially, the improbability leads to disbelief but soon you start feeling nauseous, there’s a loss of appetite and smell, body ache and fatigue.
Yet you resist because now you’re worried about the implications of moving to a hospital or Covid care facility. Is it safe? Will your family be tested? Were their symptoms different? If they test negative, then you pray and hope they remain safe. You feel helpless and question your capability to manage everything.
Shame spiral
As you struggle, you’re desperate to find someone to blame and take out your frustration. Carrying the blame alone is tiresome. Your family feels burdened by people’s changing attitudes. When wellwishers call, it’s comforting but you might also question their motive.
Are they really concerned about your health or assessing how safe they are with your family around? Collectively, these feelings are compensated by the belief that you don’t need anyone. You’ll survive well without support.
Quarantine
It’s very different from staying home when unwell. The connotations are deeper. A hospital stay completely isolates you from family. The loneliness is scary, yet you must be strong. For the family who finds you inaccessible and uncertain about what’s happening, the isolation is unnerving. Their access to the outside world is restricted. They just hope that they don’t run out of essentials, medication, electricity, gas, Internet connection, and can survive.
Their lifestyle changes significantly. Work from home or online classes are burdensome. Children have temper tantrums and mood swings. You feel anxious knowing they’re sad and troubled. You fail to make them feel safe. You worry about your finances and the future. What is there to look forward to? These doubts leave you numb.
Mortality
The virus is unpredictable. You don’t know what to expect. Fear of death seeps in. What will happen in your absence? Who will take care of the family? Have you saved enough? How will their lives change? You’ve never discussed financial planning so how do you talk about it now? There’s so much to teach your children.
It pains you that they’ll have to grow up without you. If you die, then you won’t get time to say your last goodbye or apologise or say you love them. You feel sorry for yourself. Within all these conflicting thoughts and feelings, survival takes precedence. It’s okay to prioritise your physical health before dealing with everything else. The biggest challenge with a pandemic is that there’s no clear end date leading to pandemic fatigue. It makes people either rebellious, over-cautious or cower and wait. Even though it’s difficult to resist the struggles your logical mind tells you to find newer ways to cope and break through these inescapable worry loops.
For some, these claustrophobic thoughts make them desperate to take back control of their lives. While others struggle and spiral into further darkness. Post-Covid, prioritising, recalibrating your life and bringing back structure and stability are the way forward. Often it isn’t the lack of resources, but our emotional anxiety that creates psychological barriers in our thinking stopping us from making long-term decisions. Being open-minded can make us receptive to options and opportunities. So be gentle with yourself as you start living your life again.
The writer is a mental health counsellor and blogger.